"The "Rock," The Media & The Question!
I take you back to the week following Thanksgiving 1989 -- ten months following the death of my first wife, Christy. Only a few weeks prior to her death, Christy and I had committed ourselves to run the Dallas White Rock Marathon in December 1989; however, that intended joint endeavor became a solitary venture -- one that would teach me many things about myself and life.
The first week of February that year marked the beginning of my training for my first ever marathon. To say the least, the experience is one I will never forget. Week in and week out; mile after mile after grueling mile; through all kinds of weather; in spite of periodic illness; I trained in order to honor a memory and commitment.
Shortly after Christy's death, I initiated an endowed memorial scholarship at the University of North Texas -- the institution from which she had received her Bachelor's and was about to receive her Master's. Sometime in early October of 1989, I got the idea to run the marathon seeking sponsorships from friends and family in order to add to the endowment fund. At a time when I was needing additional motivation to continue my trek toward the marathon, this idea provided the boost I sought!
About the middle of November, I awakened one morning with a thought running through my mind! "This is MEDIA WEEK," I said to myself! Now, I had no idea what "Media Week" meant -- I just knew that I was in it! I immediately began calling newspapers, radio stations and local television stations to tell them about my project -- running the White Rock Marathon in memory of my wife and to raise funds for the memorial scholarship endowment. To my surprise, the media was interested! Suffice to say that over the next few weeks, I was interviewed for numerous newspaper articles and radio programs and one television spot!
Now, every time a story ran, I received calls and letters from total strangers asking how they might donate to the cause! I was really pumped! Then the night the story ran on television, I received calls from strangers until around midnight -- each one expressing interest in giving to the cause. Some even wanted to give to Kacie and me directly. I deflected those requests and asked instead that they give to the scholarship fund. The only word I have to describe that experience is AMAZING!
As a result of that exposure, in excess of $10,000 was given to the endowment fund at UNT!
The day of the marathon happened to be Kacie's eighth birthday. I recall the flood of emotion that filled me as I crossed the finish line that Sunday so long ago -- emotion flowing from multiple sources that almost overwhelmed me.
Later that evening at home, Kacie and I were sitting on the sofa watching television. She reached out, took my hand and asked, "Can I help someone, Daddy?"
The Conversation
There it was, yet another of her perspective-altering questions.
"Can I help someone, Daddy?"
"What do you mean, Honey?"
"You know -- like you have done by running! Can I help someone?"
"Well sure you can! Sweetie, you help people every day! You help me; you help your friends; you help you grandparents!"
"No, Daddy! I mean, can I help someone I don't know? You know, like give them something that makes them feel better!"
Wow! What a question! What a perspective! At a time when I expected her to be hurting over what she had lost, she was seeking an avenue through which she could share a part of herself! I was humbled.
"Sweetie, can you tell me where this desire to help someone you don't know has come from?"
I'm not sure I really expected her to be able to articulate her thoughts, but she did so in a manner that completely blew me away!
"Well, Daddy, I got the idea from all of those people who wrote you and called you about Mommy's scholarship! They don't know you or me or Mommy and they wanted to help US help others . . . so, I just thought that I could help someone I don't know!"
Once again, I was humbled and deeply moved by her desire to reach out to people -- people she didn't know -- in order to make a difference in their lives. With a tears welling in my eyes, I responded, "Sure you can, Honey! Sure you can!"
"Thank you, Daddy," she said as she gave me a big hug!
The Application
That single conversation ushered in what I anticipate will be a lifetime of Kacie seeking opportunities to extend a helping hand -- especially to people she does not know! I have witnessed this beneficence demonstrated in her life time and again since that evening.
The next day after that conversation, we found a Salvation Army Angel Tree and purchased an item appropriate for the project. Next she took all the money she had in her piggy bank and deposited it in the Salvation Army "pot" manned by a lady ringing a bell. Finally, she carefully and lovingly went through her toys and dolls selecting items only "gently used" and asked me to take her to the Good Will drop off point so she could make sure others had toys for Christmas. It was one of the grandest Holiday Seasons I have ever had -- all because we had a conversation related to helping other people!
What About Now?
During this Holiday Season -- whether you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim or any other faith -- perhaps we can all learn something from Kacie. Perhaps we can all ask the question, "Can I help someone?"
Money is tight. The economy is fragile. Tomorrow is fraught with uncertainty. A vast majority of us are being forced to cut back. What are we to do?
Maybe . . . just maybe the answer to this troubled Holiday Season can be found in discovering ways to help one another -- to reach out and do something that will bring a little joy or happiness to the life of another! Maybe we can participate in a Crucial Conversation with the children in our lives that focuses on the honor and respect inherent in giving to others.
Maybe we can't buy as much as we have in the past. Maybe we won't be able to do as much as we would like. Maybe we'll have to rediscover that the meaning in life is most often found in asking the question, "Can I help someone today?"
I am hopeful that the conversation Kacie and I had almost twenty years ago will provide a renewed perspective for joy in this Holiday Season.
Until next time . . . Peace!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
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