Living in the Meantimes

Changes

October 2010 Newsletter Changes . . .

In This Issue Goodnight Sweet Princess From Out of the Blue! A Change of Seasons A Common Thread Quick Links Register Now News Related Topics More On Us Join Our List

Issue: #4 October/2010 Dear Friends, I fully intended to post the October newsletter earlier this month; however, a series of changes ~ some anticipated and others not ~ created challenges that demanded attention. As this month has progressed I have been reminded once again of the seemingly random yet mysteriously orchestrated paths we travel in this life. I am hopeful that as you read this newsletter, you will find time to contemplate the paths you travel ~ the changes you encounter ~ the possibilities presented to you. Mark Goodnight Sweet Princess . . . . . . And Flights of Angels . . . On Sunday October 10, 2010, my dear, sweet mother-in-law slipped through the thin veil that separates the temporal from the eternal. She was received into her eternal rest after a long and courageous battle with cancer and COPD. A breast cancer survivor, Helen Moore also battled medullary thyroid cancer ~ a type of cancer that does not respond to traditional treatment protocols. She endured multiple surgeries, frequent trips to M.D. Anderson in Houston as well as chemo and radiation therapies. In her final months, COPD took its toll on her body. I don't know of a stronger woman anywhere. Vanessa and I were in the room with her, holding her hands, stroking her cheeks and sharing words of love and comfort as she took her final breath. Those moments were both sad and sweet. It has been said that death is merely the extinguishing of the candle because the dawn has come. That phrase now has a new meaning for me. She is sorely missed! The absence of her presence bears heavily on all who know and love her . . . and yet, she resides only a breath away in the next room. It has also been said that you cannot lose someone when you know where they are. We know where she is and are grateful for the rest she now enjoys. I was honored to officiate at her funeral. At the graveside as we said our final farewells on this side of the veil, I closed with an adaptation of a line from "Hamlet." "Goodnight sweet princess and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." Thank you, Helen, for honoring our lives with your presence. From Out of the Blue! An Offer I Couldn't Refuse  Change takes us by surprise from time to time ~ often in the midst of other changes that are completely unrelated. That was the case for me this month. While Vanessa and I were dealing with the impending death of her mother ~ working to address all the issues related to that imminent event ~ an unexpected opportunity for change presented itself to me. Was I surprised? Absolutely! I felt as I was a character in one of the "Godfather" movies ~ receiving an "offer I couldn't refuse!" The offer? Well, I was approached about becoming the Director of Boys & Girls Club Family Services Counseling Center in Collin County, TX! It seems that a stand alone non-profit center had approached the Boys & Girls Club of Collin County about absorbing them and providing services under the BGCCC umbrella. Long story made short ~ the acquisition was official in July of this year. When I met with the CEO of BGCCC, I felt as if I was stepping into a script written just for me! I was so anxious to accept that I think I asked "so when do I start" within the first fifteen minutes of our conversation. From out of the Blue! This conversation took place on Monday October 4. Helen died on Sunday October 10. Change within change wrapped up in a larger package of change. Isn't that the life is most of the time? I am so grateful for this unique opportunity. The marriage of the BGCCC and this former stand alone center creates the first  Boys & Girls Club in the country with its own counseling center under its wings. So much potential! So many possibilities! So "out of the blue!" Oh! I failed to mention . . . my commitment to the "Every Step Has a Story" 600 mile walk is fully supported by BGCCC! Yep! I'm still walking ~ and with the blessing and endorsement of my new "boss!" Cool! And on that note, I'll move on to news about the walk! Every Step Has a Story!  A Change of Seasons! As you know, the original date for my 600 mile walk from McKinney, TX to Nashville, TN was scheduled for April 2011. In keeping with the theme of this newsletter, a significant change of plans has occurred related to the "Every Step Has a Story" walk. Instead of the spring of the year, I will be making my trek in the fall of the year instead! The new date for the "Every Step Has a Story . . . a Journey of Hope" walk is now October 2011! This change in schedule actually helps me out in several ways! First, I will have a bit more time to train for the 20 - 25 miles per day I will travel. Second, Lyons Entertainment the company that will make the documentary film of this event, has indicated that the change actually works to our advantage from their perspective in that the new time frame will allow them more time to plan. It also gives them the opportunity to bring in producers that will likely open doors for funding the film and possible distribution through PBS. Obviously, talks continue along these lines, but the possibilities are exciting indeed! Third, pushing the date back allows for more time to secure funding for both the film and walk. Initial contacts have been made with State Farm as a potential sponsor and others are in the works. Fourth, the new date provides more time to recruit and secure sponsors for the "town hall meetings" in each stop along the route ~ the venues where the "Real" stories will be shared by those in attendance. After all, the story of this walk is not about a 50 something bald man from Texas walking 600 miles! It is about providing a platform for children and teens who have experienced the death of a loved one to share their intensely personal journeys in a public forum ~ forum that will hopefully encourage more open conversation about the scope and impact of childhood and adolescent loss issues! Finally, the new date gives me more time to secure corporate sponsors for products and services needed for the project. Last week, I received confirmation that NIKE will provide me with shoes as minimum for this project! All very exciting! So . . . please alter your calendar and mark October 2011 as the new date for Every Step Has a Story . . . a Journey of Hope! New Stories . . .  A Common Thread  On October 7 and 8 I found myself in French Lick, IN at the French Lick Resort participating in the Fall Meeting for the Kentucky - Southern Indiana Northwestern Mutual Financial Services Agency. My topic for this meeting was "Death Benefit Delivery: What Do I Do Now?" Part of the work I do with life insurance and financial services professionals focuses on informed, compassionate and caring delivery of benefits to beneficiary families in the aftermath of the death of an insured loved one. As is often the case, I was available for the remainder of the meeting beyond my presentation which gave me time to visit with individual agents. During the comfort of small group or one-on-one conversations, I routinely hear personal stories from agents. This trip was no different. On this particular trip, I found a common thread in three of the stories that I would like to share with you. The Hole in My Heart ~ Jim (not his real name) was fifteen when his life was altered forever. Coming home from school on a fall afternoon, Jim anticipated a late afternoon game of catch with his father, a local minister. Seeing the family vehicle gone, he assumed that his dad had been called out to perform some ministerial duty. As he walked into the kitchen, his mother said, "I told your father that you would be home soon ~ that he should wait to make the call. It wasn't an emergency after all, but you know your father." Jim indicated that he knew what she meant. Instead of going outside, he decided to lie down on his bed and rest. He went into his room, turned on the radio and stretched out for a quick nap. Living in a small town meant that local news was a big deal. Jim closed his eyes and began listening to the music. At the very moment the DJ broke in with the words, "We have a breaking story," Jim sat bolt upright in bed ~ an eerie sense of impending doom sweeping over him. At some level, he KNEW that the breaking story had something to do with his father. the DJ indicated that there had been a fatality accident on the Interstate and that traffic was backed up in both directions. Jim immediately ran to the kitchen where his mother's face confirmed that they shared matching intuition about the news. Within about 20 minutes, the local sheriff showed up at their house and shared that Jim's dad had indeed been involved in the accident and was pronounced dead at the scene. As I sat across from Jim, his eyes drifted back to a time that created an enormous amount of pain in his life. After a moment' silence he said, "That day tore a hole in my heart that exists even today . . . that experience is why I chose to be in the life insurance business." Someone Make the Dog Stop Barking ~ Tammy (not her real name) picked me up from the airport in Louisville, KY. During the hour drive north to the resort, we had a chance to visit and exchange a few life stories. Tammy is an exceedingly energetic and intelligent young woman ~ articulate, driven, excited about her work! I asked about what attracted her to the life insurance business and she shared her heart. It seems that when Tammy was ten years old, her mother suffered a heart attack early on a Saturday morning. She awoke to the realization that something was not right when the dog would not stop barking. She recalled saying, "Would someone make the dog be quiet please? Please?" She said this several times with no response. She got up out of bed, opened her bedroom door and walked to the railing outside her second story room. As she looked down, she saw her mother being wheeled out on a gurney. Her father spoke not a word as she was left alone in the house ~ confused, dazed, scared. In a few minutes, a neighbor came in and stayed with Tammy until her father returned with the news that her mother had not survived. That news did not make sense ~ it did not sink in! She had difficulty embracing what she was told. She does not remember the funeral. She does not remember the first several months after her mother's death. She indicated that her mother traveled a lot for her job so it was not unusual for her to be gone for days at a time. Tammy shared that almost a year after her mother's death, she awoke on a Saturday morning to the barking of her dog. In that moment, the entire scene from a year before came flooding back and she sat on her bed and wept ~ alone. Tammy shared that although her memories of high school without her mother are sketchy she knows that the experience shaped her life. In fact, she shared that the reason she works in the life insurance business is as a direct result of her mother's death. She runs the "Client Service Center" where "orphan" policy holders (clients who bought a policy from an agent who is no longer in the business) find service, guidance and direction when they have a need related to life insurance. Oh, as part of her work, she helps to process approximately 400 death claims a year . . . My Brother . . . ~ The final story I share today is brief. Frank (not his real name) sat listening to the stories of others in a group and then touched my shoulder. He said, "Let me tell you about my brother. He is why I do what I do today." It seems that when Frank was twelve, his seventeen year old brother was killed in an automobile accident. Frank adored, idolized and worshipped his brother. When he died, Frank was devastated ~ not to mention that his family was crushed as well! Tears welled in Frank's eyes as he worked to recount the experience. He struggled to piece together a sentence that was not punctuated by attempts to swallow back sobs of grief. Finally, Frank gave up. He looked a me and with tears flowing freely down his cheeks, said, "I'm here because of my brother. I don't want what happened to my family after his death happen to other families." With that he ducked his head and wept silently. I put my arm around his shoulder, hugged him tightly and shed a tear of my own. The common thread? All three of these amazing adults chose to invest their hearts, souls and professionalism into a business that addresses the unwanted, the unthinkable, the inevitable as a result of their loss experiences as children or teens. Just three more reasons why "Every Step Has a Story" is so important. Thnank you for reading and sharing this information with friends, family and co-workers! I am hopeful that you will find the information helpful as you negotiate your own personal journey through this life. Be looking for more stories from the road. Until next time . . . Peace! Sincerely, Mark Hundley

Breaking News and Another Story

Breaking News and Another Story!

Every Step Has a Story: The Cyclone Story I'll never forget moving back to the town of my birth ~ Memphis, TX ~ in the summer prior to my junior year in high school. It was not a move about which I was extremely excited to say the least. I had spent, what I considered to be at that point in my life, the best four years ever in Ft. Smith, AR! When I received the news of the move, I sought every conceivable way to alter the plans to take me away from my friends, my school and my activities. Regardless of the approach I took, none worked and I found myself in that small town in the Panhandle of Texas. It wasn't like I was moving in as a total stranger. I had spent considerable time there and had even attended school on a couple of occasions over the years ~ but this was different. I was moving during high school! I decided that I would work to make the best of it and found myself engaged in summer two-a-day football workouts almost as soon as my feet hit the ground. I recall, after the first practice, how excited I was to be part of such an extraordinary group of guys! They were perhaps one of the most talented collection of players I had seen in a long time! I suddenly felt a that maybe the move would have some positive outcomes after all. Well, the season began and in my mind I could see a perfect record shaping up . . . and we DID have a perfect record ~ 0 and 10! Yes! We lost every game we played! We were everyone's Homecoming game! It was humiliating and disappointing to say the least. I looked back at that season often and wondered what happened, then one day many years later, it hit me! Although I cannot say for sure how far reaching the impact on the team, the school or the town ~ I realized that the death of a senior football player in  a tragic car accident the month or so prior to the beginning of school had to have played a part in what transpired that year. In small towns, there is a closeness that often defies description. The entire town was devastated! As a teen, I was unable to emotionally or intellectually quantify what I sensed and experienced, but the impact was obvious! A  pall hovered over the community that perhaps continues even today. I know that I often reflect back on the potential effects that single event had on a community, a school and a team. I can only speculate, but through the years, I have witnessed similar effects on students, schools and communities when a tragedy of this sort interrupts the routine. The fall 1969 season for the Memphis Cyclone football team is in the record as a perfect season ~ 0 and 10 ~ but, from where I stand now, there should be an asterisk beside that stat.

Greetings Folks! In the interim between sending issues of the monthly newsletter, I am sharing stories gathered along my journey of life. Occasionally, I will share news that cannot wait for the next newsletter. This email is one of those ~ one in which I will share important news and a story pertinent to the Every Step Has a Story project. I awaken each day in anticipation of the new opportunities that will present themselves for consideration! A recent development fits this category. Thanks for your continued interest! Mark Oh By the Way . . . Back in March, you might remember that I had the chance to present a break out session for LAMP '10 in Las Vegas. The LAMP Conference is associated with the General Agents and Managers Association Intl ~ a life insurance and financial services association. My presentation addressed compassionate delivery of death benefits in the life insurance industry. At the end of that presentation, a gentleman with the State Farm Insurance Company approached and asked if I would be interested in visiting further about doing some work with either the company as a whole, agents of the company or both. I responded that I would welcome that chance and he indicated that he would be in contact. Last week the gentleman called and we began to visit about setting up a meeting time that was mutually convenient. During the course of our conversation, he confirmed his interest in me either working with the company to set up a death benefit delivery system/program and/or conduct training with company agents (both of which would include mass distribution of Awaken to Good Mourning as an integral part of the program). As you might guess, in an "oh by the way moment" segue, I was able to work the Every Step Has a Story project into the conversation and something almost magical took place. As I shared briefly about my walk to Nashville from McKinney in April 2011, I mentioned that I was seeking corporate sponsorships for the underwriting of the documentary fill as well as sponsors for the walk itself. He asked, "Do you have a life insurance company yet?" Well, I don't and told him so. He then stated, "We need to talk about that as well. I think there will be some real interest in our participation in the film part of your project." Well, I almost dropped my teeth! So there you have, it! From talking about a previously agreed upon topic to an "Oh by the way moment," yet another potential "miracle" awaits exploration! Please keep you fingers crossed, send up prayers and project positive thoughts our way on Wednesday August 25. We will meet at 7:30 a.m. and I can hardly wait! I am so enjoying sharing with you news and stories related to Every Step Has a Story on a weekly basis! I am hopeful that you will find the stories interesting as well as worthy of sharing with friends, co-workers and family members. I will certainly report the outcome of the meeting on the 25th! I cannot help but believe that I have stepped on the platform of a fast-moving train headed for a destination determined by a power much greater than I and that I am simply along for the ride! Please do not hesitate to pass on stories, ideas or contacts you think might be of interest or assistance in this project! I welcome your input and involvement! More than anything, I appreciate your support and encouragement! Without it, I'm not sure I could get up every morning before dawn and walk to train for this endeavor! Thank you ever so much!   Sincerely,   Mark Hundley Awaken Associates

Awaken to Good Mourning~Second Edtion~Launch News!

Awaken Associates Announces

The Release and Launch of Awaken to Good Mourning!

On Thursday March 4, 2010, Awaken Associates and the P3 Press officially launched the Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning at the Essence of Eve Day & Med Spa in McKinney, TX! 

Awaken to Good Mourning Is Finally Here!  The Second Edtion was successfully launched on Thursday March 4, 2010 at the Essence of Eve Day/Med Spa in McKinney, TX essenceofevespa.com!  There was an almost palpable excitement in the air as attendees picked up the book, thumbed through its pages and waited for a chance to visit with Mark. 

Mark dedicated 50% of the evening's proceeds to the Journey of Hope Grief Support Center tinyurl.com/n9xdjk ~ a non-profit organizaton that provides free group grief support for children, adolescents and their parents or adult caregivers as they learn to mourn the death or impending death of a loved one.

The original first edition found its way into the hands of over forty thousand people! Critically acclaimed for its warmth and down-to-earth guidance, Awaken to Good Mourning has been referenced and quoted in scholarly articles and graduate level counseling textbooks; given by life insurance companies and funeral homes as a gift to client families; shared with friends and loved ones in the aftermath of death losses; and cherished by those who have received it!

The Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning is creating a buzz of excitement with folks in the US, Canada, Australia and the UK!  Readers are clamoring for a chance to get the book as soon as possible so that they can give it to friends, family members and others they know who have been touched by the death of a loved one.

Give the Gift of Healing

Announcement - Special Bonus Offer With Your Purchase!

Awaken Associates and The P3 Press are proud to share the Second Print Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning! This new Second Edition has been revised and updated ~ and contains 80 pages of new information not found in the first edition!

We would like to extend a special bonus to you, our friends through the end of April 2010!  Until  that date, you may purchase the Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning which also includes a free bonus of the audio version of the First Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning ~ a two-cd set highlighted by the Brooks & Dunn song, Believe as the final track of the second cd.  This is a perfect time to give the gift of healing to a bereaved friend or family member!

Simply visit Awaken Associates and click on the "Purchase Now" button and your copy of the Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning along with the Bonus CD set will be shipped to you immediately!

About Awaken Associates

Change-whether imposed, as a result of natural life progressions or self-initiated-presents challenges that require action!

The mission of Awaken Associates is to equip individuals and groups with the practical tools necessary to proactively embrace the challenges of life - empowering them to create meaning in the process!

Despite the difficulties inherent in our Journey, Life CAN Be Good because People DO Create Good Lives! Invite Awaken Associates along as a valuable companion on YOUR journey!

Learn how to access the power of values; the synergy of interdependence; and the strength of resiliency in the process!

Awaken Associates

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About Essence of Eve Day & Med Spa

The following quote comes from a letter received by Darla Reed Joseph, owner of Essence of Eve Day & Med Spa.  It captures the essence of this wonderful healing place.

"Find places of healing. Then go there often. They are yours for the asking, yours for the seeking. Healing places are an important part of the journey, a peaceful place, one of nourishment, replenishment, peace, safety, comfort, and joy. It's a place of love and acceptance. It is a place of forgiveness, honesty, openness, nurturing and kindness. You will recognize it instantly because of how it feels. It will bring you back to center. It will bring you back to calm. It will bring you back to joy."

Essence of Eve Spa

 About The P3 Press

Let an A-list team of credentialed professionals guide you every step of the way as you go from being an aspiring writer to a published author.
 
With over 100 years of experience in the industry, the experts at The P3 Press provide authors with unparalleled one-on-one support as they move through the publishing cycle.  

• In-house editors work with you to buff, shine and massage your manuscript into a polished work.

• Award-winning graphic designers create custom, eye-catching covers as well as inviting interiors to your specifications.

• Experienced book manufacturers print and bind your book with the utmost professionalism.

• Our Webmaster creates, posts and hosts your own author website with full e-commerce capability and a direct link to your readers.

  All of this while a dedicated P3 project manager personally watches over and guides your publishing experience.

The P3 Press

The SANE Kind of Crazy - AGAIN!

Before I post a new essay on this blog, I received a couple of requests to re-post one from February of this year entitled "The SANE Kind of Crazy!"  Hope you enjoy reading this one either again or for the first time!  Would love to hear your thoughts!  Let's get CRAZY!

Opposites Attract?

This is a saying we have all heard and likely have repeated from time to time -- Opposites Attract!  But, let's examine it a moment.  How true is this statement . . . really?  Do opposites truly attract and if so, for how long?  From my experience, when complete opposites come together -- whether in relationships, business partnerships, joint endeavors, religious discussions or political debates -- the  chemistry is often charged with intensely stimulating interplay!  The initial intrigue and interest generated in the exchange of ideas and philosophies tends to create a sense of anticipation -- perhaps unlike any ever experienced by the participants.

All parties involved may find themselves swept up in the uniqueness of the relationship, exhilarated by the ambient energy inherent in the unlikely collaboration and unable to clearly recognize warning signs that exist.  Even when the novelty begins to wear thin, participants tend to brush aside differences hoping to recapture the initial excitement.  More often than not, these relationships so fraught with potential in the beginning, either end with a disappointing whimper or a loud and obnoxious bang!  I acknowledge that there are exceptions -- there are always exceptions -- but my experience tells me that this is the rule.  In the end the more alike we are the better chance we have of sustaining a meaningful connection.

The Same Kind of Crazy

Back in 2000, Delbert McClinton recorded a rollicking song entitled, The Same Kind of Crazy. In it he describes meeting a woman who completely turns his world upside down!  He just can't get enough of her and apparently, the same is true on her part as well -- she can't get enough of him!  What's the attraction?  Well, as Delbert puts it, "Ain't no doubt about it.  She's the same kind of crazy as me!"  She is different from any other woman with whom he has had a relationship because she is more like him than she is opposite!

When like attracts like, a sense of cohesiveness tends to emerge as the glue that holds the relationship together.  The Myers-Briggs Type Inventory -- or MBTI as it is popularly known -- verifies this assertion.  Basically, it tells us that the more two people are alike in approach, the more likely they are to create a lasting partnership.  Now, in all fairness, the research associated with the MBTI indicates that positive relationships can exist between and among people of more divergent types as long as they are trained to understand and appreciate differences.  Still, the truth of the matter is that the more we are alike, the better chance we have.  We have an old folk saying that states it in a way we can all remember -- "Birds of a feather flock together!"

Let's face it, Sameness works . . . Until it doesn't anymore!

When the "Same Kind of Crazy" Becomes Destructive

I know you have heard the following definition of insanity -- heard it and perhaps chuckled at its raw truth!  It goes, "One definition of insanity is to continue to do what you have always done and expect a different result!"  Remember?  Yeah, I thought so.  This definition refers to the other side of the "Same Kind of Crazy" coin.  This side reflects on the part of human nature that seeks familiarity and sameness when divergence would be the better path.

More often than not, this side shows itself when we are faced with times of uncertainty.  Whether as individuals or corporate bodies, there is a tendency to follow the path of least resistance (that which we have always done) when faced with daunting challenges.  We often find ourselves personifying the definition of insanity mentioned above.  We retreat to the familiar and comfortable when we would be better served by doing something differently.  We fall victim to the "Same Kind of Crazy!"

I know that I tread a fine line here -- one that often divides people into opposing camps.  My guys vs. your guys!  As risky as walking this line can be, I believe that our crazy times demand addressing the related issues.  I am not here to make political statements championing or demeaning one party over the other!  That would be pointless and fall into the "Same Kind of Crazy-making" that already exists. My goal is to present an option worth consideration and ask some questions that demand an audience.

In simplistic terms, I believe that we as a nation -- perhaps even a world -- have fallen prey to the allure of the familiar.  We have made some very unwise choices along the way ignoring the potential negative ramifications associated with them.  We have continued to act as if we are immune to the consequences of opting for the "Same Kind of Crazy" in our personal and corporate decision making processes.

We -- and I mean all of us -- individuals, corporations, governmental bodies, churches -- have fallen victim to credit addictions, immediate gratification syndromes, denials of the obvious, refusals to investigate the bigger picture, name callings, destructive generalizations, hurtful categorizations and all manner of other destructive behaviors too numerous to mention.

The Time of Possibility?

We are faced with unparalleled difficulties on all fronts . . . and I mean ALL FRONTS!  The world is in a mess -- a BIG ONE!  The collective MESS in which we find ourselves is a multi-headed monster not easily attacked.  In effect, we live in a time of immense struggle that is also ironically an immeasurable time of possibility!  And what are we doing with this unparalleled set of opportunities?  Well, a large number of us -- perhaps more than we know -- are giving in to the "Same Kind of Crazy;" doing what we have always done and expecting a different result!

We live in a time when bailouts followed by bonuses are commonplace (despicable but true).  We reward mis-management with promotions and lavish trips/parties.  We recognize flagrant misbehavior by hovering over and rescuing the miscreants.  We promote and praise partisan politics even when we have promised to do otherwise.  We sacrifice our future to feed the wanton appetites of the present. 

Unless we choose to act differently, we run the risk of being remembered as the people that squandered the greatest possibility of history -- that of turning the world around and setting a new course!  A time of possibility?  Perhaps, but only if we choose a different path to travel.

The SANE Kind of Crazy!

No, this is NOT a misspelling!  I purposely use the word SANE here!  I want to make a point and perhaps spur our thinking.  We have too much of the "Same Kind of Crazy" determining the course of our lives today!  Most of what are called "new ideas" are really the old ones gussied up in new wrappings and monikers!  Upon closer inspection nothing is effectively new or different!

Folks, I am convinced that the current times in which we live demand collective creative collaboration -- a blending of our minds, hearts, dreams, hunches, ideas and spirits in order to put into motion a synergy like none other in our history!

We are going to have to go CRAZY -- but do so in a SANE kind of way!  If one definition of insanity is to do what we have always done and expect a different result, then one definition of sanity must surely be to do things differently and expect a different result!  Makes sense on some foundational level doesn't  it?

Just One Example of the "Sane Kind of Crazy" Principle

By now you have all likely read about the banker in Florida who, upon selling a major interest in his bank, doled out $60 Million of his own money to 399 current employees of the bank and another 72 who retired from his bank!  Amazing?  Undoubtedly!  Crazy? You betcha!  Sane?  Obviously!  WHAT?  Obvious?  Mark you must be . . . well . . . CRAZY to call that a sane move!  Before you determine that I have completely lost my marbles, let me explain.

In reading one article about this phenomenal act of generosity, the banker shared that early on he realized that if the bank president didn't show up for work, it was no big deal most days.  He did, however, realize that if tellers did not show up for work . . . well, that was another story!  He decided that he wanted to reward loyalty, hard work, dedication and perseverance.  Now these were no measly bonuses!  No sir!  Although they did not compare with the millions in tainted bonuses lavished on folks who may or may not have deserved them, they were extremely significant!  The bonuses in many cases amounted to more than $100,000!  Now I don't know about you, but I would be ecstatic to receive a check for $100,000 from an employer!  Man, talk about having a great day!

This gentleman -- and I mean that in the truest sense of the word -- set an example of what I mean when I refer to the "Sane Kind of Crazy" principle!  On the surface one might be considered crazy to give away tens of millions of dollars that was rightfully his.  Yet just under the surface, one sees the sanity in his actions!  Imagine the retirement accounts that were bolstered; the medical bills that were paid; the school loans that were eliminated; the savings accounts started; the acts of paying forward that were initiated; the charities and non-profits that were beneficiaries!  He set into motion a ripple effect of generosity, good will and genuine compassion!  I love it!

Other Examples

The story of this banker's beneficence garnered headlines because of the magnitude and unusuall nature of his act; however, I hear of other folks out there acting on the "Sane Kind of Crazy"  principle.  There are companies that, instead of laying off employees to protect that "ever important bottom line," are instead keeping employees and instituting across the board salary cuts for all employees as well as management and ownership!  Now there's a thought!  Instead of putting more people out of work, clogging the unemployment offices, choking the flow of commerce on the consumer level, they are telling their people that they value them and believe the downturn is temporary.  Bravo to those companies and owners!  Can you imagine the emotional and mental lift those employees are likely to experience knowing that their jobs are secure and they are valued?

I have also heard of folks giving back bonuses received in order to ensure employees retain jobs.  Pretty cool, huh?  Still others have devised ways to restructure corporate purchases and expenses in order to protect the integrity of their employees.

I am sure that you have heard of similar stories and I invite you to share them with us!  These are the stories that need national media attention!  These are the innovators who need our recognition!  These are the ones who operate under the power of the "Sane Kind of Crazy" principle!  These are the people we need to lead us out of the tough times in which we find ourselves!

I Must Stop Now

I could likely go on and on with ideas and examples of how people are and can employ the "Sane Kind of Crazy" principle but I won't for now!  I will; however, share one insane idea about how some of the bank bailout money could have been used.  Instead of giving multiple billions of dollars to banks to bail them out of messes they created, why couldn't we have studied the mortgages on all the banks books, determined how much would be necessary to pay off those mortgages (especially those in danger of foreclosure), paid the collective balances of those mortgages to the banks and then communicated with the mortgagees about what had happened?

What benefit could this bring?  Well, the bank would have money funneled to them through the process of paying off mortgages on their books -- money in hand to the likely tune of millions to billions of dollars.  Home owners would have a clear and free asset with substantial equity freeing up precious dollars for food, clothing and other necessities.  Banks would have money to loan.  Homeowners would have the possibility of accessing their equity via home equity loans if/when needed.  Consumers could then have more money to save or invest.  Additional debt could be addressed by the money saved from the monthly mortgage payment . . . Get the picture?  Now I know I've likely missed some obvious problems with this idea and you can likely find all kinds of ways to shoot it down; however, maybe -- just maybe -- your creativity has been jogged!

Final Question

What about you?  In what ways do you find yourself mired in the trap of acting under the presumptuous power of the "Same Kind of Crazy?"  What problems do you face that have not responded to the same approach that you've always used?  What issues are you perhaps pretending to not see?

May I challenge all of us to give the "Sane Kind of Crazy" principle a shot!  Remember, changes in thinking and behavior are often slow to take hold; however, persistence will ultimately pay off!  In order to reap a harvest of new outcomes, we must plant seeds consistent with our ultimate desires!

Thanks for reading the rantings of a somewhat crazy bald guy!

Until next time . . . Peace . . . and . . . Sanity!

Mark

Copyright 2009 Mark E. Hundley

Fighting the Fickle, Feely Fingers of Fate

The Creepies

I knew they were coming!  I had sensed their presence lurking around the edges of my consciousness for about a week!  They've been a constant companion of mine since I was a child -- and I'm guessing that they've been caught hanging around your life as well from time to time!  Who are they?  Well, they are the creepies of course!  You know what I mean -- those feelings that slither their way into your soul and eat away at your confidence; chew holes in your resolve; cloud your thinking; cast doubts on your determinations!  The creepies!  Yes, they are always looking for a inroad -- a path by which to capture our dreams and hold them prisoner.

The creepies are the agents of FATE sent out to undercut our abilities to rise above the mundane.  Dark and shadowy, they prowl -- nosing at the cracks in our lives seeking dreams to devour.  FATE has a way of doing that to us -- convincing us that whatever our current lot in life, it was simply meant to be -- rendering us incapable of questioning or fighting against it.

FATE has other emissaries it employs to snuff out our dreams -- family of origin dysfunctions; societal injunctions; religious restrictions -- all working from time to time to eliminate the power of personal resolve!  FATE positions itself as some sort of all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful entity that determines which of us will rise above to live the life of our dreams and which of us will only futilely wish for the life of our dreams.

Yes, for about a week the creepies waited and watched . . . until . . . yesterday they made their move on me!

In the Darkness

I felt the creepies surround me -- poking and prodding; seeking entrance into my mind, my soul, my spirit.  I was immediately awake -- alert to all that was going on inside and around me!  The time? Two o'clock in the morning -- the darkest of darkness.

I quietly slipped out of bed and made my way to the study -- the creepies hovering, floating, probing, nudging as I walked.  I sat in my chair waiting to see what kinds of words would issue from the creepies.  I waited only a moment.

As if perched on my shoulders; positioned in my heart; punched into my brain, the words flowed:  "What do you think you're doing?"  "Have you gone completely mad?"  "Who do you think you are anyway?"  "Did you honestly think you could pull this off?"  "Do you know how ridiculous you look?"  "Do you have any idea how many people laugh at you?"  "When will you come to your senses and put an end to all this foolishness?"

With each onslaught, my resolve withered a bit!  My belief in self sustained bruising blows!  My dreams appeared far-fetched!  The creepies had me on the ropes and were pounding away!  FATE seemed to be winning once again -- then -- the bell!  (Actually it was my alarm going off at 6:00 am)  God knows how many rounds I tussled with FATE in the wee hours of the morning before my reprieve, but I was roused from this all-too-familiar fight and given a chance to fight back!

I stood up, and from within my spirit shouted, "NO! Not THIS time!"  I made my way back to bed, crawled under the covers and went to sleep!  I slept peacefully for four hours and then awakened.

On the Run

After a cup of coffee and the Sunday morning paper, I pulled on my running clothes and hit the pavement.  I do my best thinking; get my best ideas; capture my best insights while running.  Yesterday morning was no different. 

I attached my mp3 player to my arm, put on the earphones donned my cap and sunglasses and headed out.  When I run, I always listen to Brooks & Dunn -- everything from the Steers & Stripes cd to Cowboy Town!  Their music energizes me and jump-starts my thinking!  Songs like, "Only in America," "Red Dirt Road," "It's Getting Better All the Time," "Believe," "That's What It's All About," "Play Something Country," "Proud of the House We Built," and "Cowgirls Don't Cry" pour positive power into my running and my thinking!

As I ran, my mind freed itself of negative clutter and insight crystallized!  I knew what I needed to do -- what I needed to write.  When I returned home, I spent some time reflecting and writing notes.

What I Realized About FATE

While running, I realized several things about FATE that demand sharing!

First, FATE is Fickle!  A belief that FATE somehow perfectly spells out the paths we walk fails to recognize the fickle nature of life.  As easily as the weather changes, so does life!  FATE's fickle nature finds its essence in the circumstantial ebb and flow of life.  Do I really want to trust the realization of my dreams to a force that changes like the wind?

Second, FATE is Feely!  FATE depends on us to be carried away by our feelings of fear and uncertainty and despair!  It feeds on the life that emotions create in us.  It tears away at the positive emotions leaving only those that would cause us to freeze into place and cease working to realize our dreams!  Feely is different from intuition!  Intuition often goes against the grain!  It encourages us to take risks -- step out on a limb!  It guides us through the maze of "can't" into the realm of "can!"  Intuition is the substance of hope and faith!  Feely is well . . . feely!

Third, FATE has Fingers whose job it is to pull us back into the mire of defeatist beliefs and actions.  As I ran, I recalled a cartoon from my childhood where a character had fallen into a tar pit.  Flat on his back he began struggling to extract himself from the sticky substance.  With each move forward, the tar stretched from his body forming long, thin fingers that snapped back to the ground as he dislodged from their grip.  One by one, these fingers fell away until only one remained.  The character was exhausted.  Unable to see behind him and discern the reality of his situation due to his focus to move forward, he believed that his efforts were in vain -- that he would never be free of the mire.  Just as he was about to be free from the pit, he gave up and only one thin thread of tar pulled him back.  He was once again stuck never aware of just how close he had come to being free!  FATE has fingers, but they are not all-powerful! 

Fourth, FATE is not Final!  As much as we are led to believe at times, FATE is not set in stone!  It is not inescapable!  Destiny is a synonym for FATE.  We often find a skewed kind of comfort relegating our lives to FATE or Destiny.  We are off the hook if our life is destined to be what it is, right?  Well, I am firmly convinced that in large measure, we are where we are, do what we are doing and experience what we are experiencing due to choices we have made and continue to make!  It's like this, have you ever bought a plane ticket to one destination and not arrived at that pre-determined place?  I know there can be some exceptions due to weather or other unforeseen situations, but you see my point!  We arrive where we arrive, experience what we experience, have what we have based on our choices!  Our Destiny is created as we choose to embrace and engage the opportunities presented to us and make choices.  WE choose our destiny!

Fifth and finally, FATE can be Fought . . . and defeated!

The Formula for Fighting FATE

Following are some thoughts about how to successfully fight the facade of FATE.

1. We must realize that a Dream Conceived = Potential!  We must all allow ourselves to dream the life we desire to have!  That process establishes the potential of something different!
2. We must realize that a Dream Written = Possibility! Rarely so we ever realize a dream until and unless we write it down enabling us to read it regularly!  The more we read what we've written the more we believe in the possibility!
3. We must realize that a Dream Shared = Probability!  Accountability is perhaps the primary key to realizing dreams!  When our dreams are shared with others we create the opportunity to benefit from the counsel and wisdom of others.  We also take steps to eliminate excuses as to our ability to achieve our dreams.  We are accountable to another person!
4. We must realize that Patience Produces Results!  Nothing worth achieving will happen over night!
5. We must realize that Perseverance Pays Dividends!  The more strength we receive from the purposeful pursuit of our dreams, the more strength we will possess when times become difficult!
6. We must realize that Persistence Prevents Purposelessness!  The persistent pursuit of our dreams injects purpose into our actions, our conversations, our decisions, our relationships!

Walking the Talk!

In an effort to model some of what I write about today, I want to put a few of my dreams out there for public consumption!  Now believe me, this is a scary proposition; however, a necessary one if I am to maintain any sense of credibility.  Following are some of the dreams that were attacked by the creepies yesterday morning.

• I am currently in the process of raising funds for the Journey of Hope Grief Support Center through a campaign I call One in a Million!  My goal is to raise One Million Dollars, One Dollar at a time, One Person at a time in 2009!  As part of this campaign, I have dedicated myself to run one million steps or 500 miles (12 miles per week) between now and the end of the year.  I will donate $500 to the Journey of Hope as a result!  I have created another blog where you can follow the progress of the campaign @ http://livinginthemeantimes.typepad.com/million  Won't you join me by donating just one dollar and then inviting friends and family to do the same?
• I am currently engaged in a project to revise, update and publish a second edition of my first book Awaken to Good Mourning.  In order to do this, I am seeking financial partners to assist me in this endeavor.  I am convinced that the five people I need to meet are out there and by putting this information out, I am more likely to meet them than if I did not!  I envision selling one million copies of this book!  The need is great and the markets are wide open!
• I am seeking agent and/or agency representation to assist me in finding a publisher for four more books I have ready to go at this point in time -- The Place of Passage (a collection of therapeutic short stories), Living in the Meantimes (essays for purposeful, powerful living), Crucial Conversations With Children and Death Benefit Delivery: What Do I Do Now? (for life insurance professionals).

There you have it!  Likely more information than you wanted; however, I am hopeful that you will find encouragement to pursue your dreams with purpose, persistence, patience and perseverance!

Please feel free to share your dreams in this open forum!  Remember, there is power in shared dreams!

Until next time . . . Peace . . . and Sweet Dreams!

Mark

Copyright 2009 by Mark E. Hundley

 

The Sane Kind of Crazy

Opposites Attract?

This is a saying we have all heard and likely have repeated from time to time -- Opposites Attract!  But, let's examine it a moment.  How true is this statement . . . really?  Do opposites truly attract and if so, for how long?  From my experience, when complete opposites come together -- whether in relationships, business partnerships, joint endeavors, religious discussions or political debates -- the  chemistry is often charged with intensely stimulating interplay!  The initial intrigue and interest generated in the exchange of ideas and philosophies tends to create a sense of anticipation -- perhaps unlike any ever experienced by the participants.

All parties involved may find themselves swept up in the uniqueness of the relationship, exhilarated by the ambient energy inherent in the unlikely collaboration and unable to clearly recognize warning signs that exist.  Even when the novelty begins to wear thin, participants tend to brush aside differences hoping to recapture the initial excitement.  More often than not, these relationships so fraught with potential in the beginning, either end with a disappointing whimper or a loud and obnoxious bang!  I acknowledge that there are exceptions -- there are always exceptions -- but my experience tells me that this is the rule.  In the end the more alike we are the better chance we have of sustaining a meaningful connection.

The Same Kind of Crazy

Back in 2000, Delbert McClinton recorded a rollicking song entitled, The Same Kind of Crazy. In it he describes meeting a woman who completely turns his world upside down!  He just can't get enough of her and apparently, the same is true on her part as well -- she can't get enough of him!  What's the attraction?  Well, as Delbert puts it, "Ain't no doubt about it.  She's the same kind of crazy as me!"  She is different from any other woman with whom he has had a relationship because she is more alike him that she is opposite!

When like attracts like, a sense of cohesiveness tends to emerge as the glue that holds the relationship together.  The Myers-Briggs Type Inventory -- or MBTI as it is popularly known -- verifies this assertion.  Basically, it tells us that the more two people are alike in approach, the more likely they are to create a lasting partnership.  Now, in all fairness, the research associated with the MBTI indicates that positive relationships can exist between and among people of more divergent types as long as they are trained to understand and appreciate differences.  Still, the truth of the matter is that the more we are alike, the better chance we have.  We have an old folk saying that states it in a way we can all remember -- "Birds of a feather flock together!"

Let's face it, Sameness works . . . Until it doesn't anymore!

When the "Same Kind of Crazy" Becomes Destructive

I know you have heard the following definition of insanity -- heard it and perhaps chuckled at its raw truth!  It goes, "One definition of insanity is to continue to do what you have always done and expect a different result!"  Remember?  Yeah, I thought so.  This definition refers to the other side of the "Same Kind of Crazy" coin.  This side reflects on the part of human nature that seeks familiarity and sameness when divergence would be the better path.

More often than not, this side shows itself when we are faced with times of uncertainty.  Whether as individuals or corporate bodies, there is a tendency to follow the path of least resistance (that which we have always done) when faced with daunting challenges.  We often find ourselves personifying the definition of insanity mentioned above.  We retreat to the familiar and comfortable when we would be better served by doing something differently.  We fall victim to the "Same Kind of Crazy!"

I know that I tread a fine line here -- one that often divides people into opposing camps.  My guys vs. your guys!  As risky as walking this line can be, I believe that our crazy times demand addressing the related issues.  I am not here to make political statements championing or demeaning one party over the other!  That would be pointless and fall into the "Same Kind of Crazy-making" that already exists. My goal is to present an option worth consideration and ask some questions that demand an audience.

In simplistic terms, I believe that we as a nation -- perhaps even a world -- have fallen prey to the allure of the familiar.  We have made some very unwise choices along the way ignoring the potential negative ramifications associated with them.  We have continued to act as if we are immune to the consequences of opting for the "Same Kind of Crazy" in our personal and corporate decision making processes.

We -- and I mean all of us -- individuals, corporations, governmental bodies, churches -- have fallen victim to credit addictions, immediate gratification syndromes, denials of the obvious, refusals to investigate the bigger picture, name callings, destructive generalizations, hurtful categorizations and all manner of other destructive behaviors too numerous to mention.

The Time of Possibility?

We are faced with unparalleled difficulties on all fronts . . . and I mean ALL FRONTS!  The world is in a mess -- a BIG ONE!  The collective MESS in which we find ourselves is a multi-headed monster not easily attacked.  In effect, we live in a time of immense struggle that is also ironically an immeasurable time of possibility!  And what are we doing with this unparalleled set of opportunities?  Well, a large number of us -- perhaps more than we know -- are giving in to the "Same Kind of Crazy;" doing what we have always done and expecting a different result!

We live in a time when bailouts followed by bonuses are commonplace (despicable but true).  We reward mis-management with promotions and lavish trips/parties.  We recognize flagrant misbehavior by hovering over and rescuing the miscreants.  We promote and praise partisan politics even when we have promised to do otherwise.  We sacrifice our future to feed the wanton appetites of the present. 

Unless we choose to act differently, we run the risk of being remembered as the people that squandered the greatest possibility of history -- that of turning the world around and setting a new course!  A time of possibility?  Perhaps, but only if we choose a different path to travel.

The SANE Kind of Crazy!

No, this is NOT a misspelling!  I purposely use the word SANE here!  I want to make a point and perhaps spur our thinking.  We have too much of the "Same Kind of Crazy" determining the course of our lives today!  Most of what are called "new ideas" are really the old ones gussied up in new wrappings and monikers!  Upon closer inspection nothing is effectively new or different!

Folks, I am convinced that the current times in which we live demand collective creative collaboration -- a blending of our minds, hearts, dreams, hunches, ideas and spirits in order to put into motion a synergy like none other in our history!

We are going to have to go CRAZY -- but do so in a SANE kind of way!  If one definition of insanity is to do what we have always done and expect a different result, then one definition of sanity must surely be to do things differently and expect a different result!  Makes sense on some foundational level doesn't  it?

Just One Example of the "Sane Kind of Crazy" Principle

By now you have all likely read about the banker in Florida who, upon selling a major interest in his bank, doled out $60 Million of his own money to 399 current employees of the bank and another 72 who retired from his bank!  Amazing?  Undoubtedly!  Crazy? You betcha!  Sane?  Obviously!  WHAT?  Obvious?  Mark you must be . . . well . . . CRAZY to call that a sane move!  Before you determine that I have completely lost my marbles, let me explain.

In reading one article about this phenomenal act of generosity, the banker shared that early on he realized that if the bank president didn't show up for work, it was no big deal most days.  He did, however, realize that if tellers did not show up for work . . . well, that was another story!  He decided that he wanted to reward loyalty, hard work, dedication and perseverance.  Now these were no measly bonuses!  No sir!  Although they did not compare with the millions in tainted bonuses lavished on folks who may or may not have deserved them, they were extremely significant!  The bonuses in many cases amounted to more than $100,000!  Now I don't know about you, but I would be ecstatic to receive a check for $100,000 from an employer!  Man, talk about having a great day!

This gentleman -- and I mean that in the truest sense of the word -- set an example of what I mean when I refer to the "Sane Kind of Crazy" principle!  On the surface one might be considered crazy to give away tens of millions of dollars that was rightfully his.  Yet just under the surface, one sees the sanity in his actions!  Imagine the retirement accounts that were bolstered; the medical bills that were paid; the school loans that were eliminated; the savings accounts started; the acts of paying forward that were initiated; the charities and non-profits that were beneficiaries!  He set into motion a ripple effect of generosity, good will and genuine compassion!  I love it!

Other Examples

The story of this banker's beneficence garnered headlines because of the magnitude and unusuall nature of his act; however, I hear of other folks out there acting on the "Sane Kind of Crazy"  principle.  There are companies that, instead of laying off employees to protect that "ever important bottom line," are instead keeping employees and instituting across the board salary cuts for all employees as well as management and ownership!  Now there's a thought!  Instead of putting more people out of work, clogging the unemployment offices, choking the flow of commerce on the consumer level, they are telling their people that they value them and believe the downturn is temporary.  Bravo to those companies and owners!  Can you imagine the emotional and mental lift those employees are likely to experience knowing that their jobs are secure and they are valued?

I have also heard of folks giving back bonuses received in order to ensure employees retain jobs.  Pretty cool, huh?  Still others have devised ways to restructure corporate purchases and expenses in order to protect the integrity of their employees.

I am sure that you have heard of similar stories and I invite you to share them with us!  These are the stories that need national media attention!  These are the innovators who need our recognition!  These are the ones who operate under the power of the "Sane Kind of Crazy" principle!  These are the people we need to lead us out of the tough times in which we find ourselves!

I Must Stop Now

I could likely go on and on with ideas and examples of how people are and can employ the "Sane Kind of Crazy" principle but I won't for now!  I will; however, share one insane idea about how some of the bank bailout money could have been used.  Instead of giving multiple billions of dollars to banks to bail them out of messes they created, why couldn't we have studied the mortgages on all the banks books, determined how much would be necessary to pay off those mortgages (especially those in danger of foreclosure), paid the collective balances of those mortgages to the banks and then communicated with the mortgagees about what had happened?

What benefit could this bring?  Well, the bank would have money funneled to them through the process of paying off mortgages on their books -- money in hand to the likely tune of millions to billions of dollars.  Home owners would have a clear and free asset with substantial equity freeing up precious dollars for food, clothing and other necessities.  Banks would have money to loan.  Homeowners would have the possibility of accessing their equity via home equity loans if/when needed.  Consumers could then have more money to save or invest.  Additional debt could be addressed by the money saved from the monthly mortgage payment . . . Get the picture?  Now I know I've likely missed some obvious problems with this idea and you can likely find all kinds of ways to shoot it down; however, maybe -- just maybe -- your creativity has been jogged!

Final Question

What about you?  In what ways do you find yourself mired in the trap of acting under the presumptuous power of the "Same Kind of Crazy?"  What problems do you face that have not responded to the same approach that you've always used?  What issues are you perhaps pretending to not see?

May I challenge all of us to give the "Sane Kind of Crazy" principle a shot!  Remember, changes in thinking and behavior are often slow to take hold; however, persistence will ultimately pay off!  In order to reap a harvest of new outcomes, we must plant seeds consistent with our ultimate desires!

Thanks for reading the rantings of a somewhat crazy bald guy!

Until next time . . . Peace . . . and . . . Sanity!

Mark

Copyright 2009 Mark E. Hundley 

The World is Crazy . . . And Sometimes so am I!

This Crazy World!

The world is CRAZY!  I mean just plum whacked out!  I bet you didn't need me to break that bit of news now did you?  Surely you see it too!  Worse yet, you have likely experienced it in one form or another -- perhaps even today!  It truly doesn't take long for the world's "crazy making" machinery to shift into gear and create havoc for multiple someones all over this planet!

The fact that the world is crazy is just one of the reasons I write about Living in the Meantimes -- both the "mean time" events that set into motion our tussles with the crazy world and the "time-between-times" as we learn to create and live within a new normal as a result of our encounters.  My primary purpose is to promote powerful possibility living in the face of these crazy times!

As much fun as I have tackling this challenge, I must admit that the craziness really gets to me from time to time!  I find myself shaking my head in disbelief -- incredulous about the events in our world!  Not even Calgon can take me away from it all!  It seems to press in from all sides as well as the top and bottom!  I feel trapped by its persistent pushing!

Help?

And help?  Well, there are times when it seems that even God (if you believe in him - or her as some of my dear friends say - or some other deity) has trouble with this crazy world!  Even the Creator has his (or her) hands so full of craziness that our small, seemingly insignificant lives appear lost in the fray. 

Perhaps one of the best songs to come out in recent time that addresses these issues is the Brooks & Dunn Song, God Must Be Busy -- nominated for a Grammy this year!  The words go like this:

God Must Be Busy

That anchor man says they're fighting again
Somewhere in the Middle East
The world prays for peace
There's a single mom, just got laid off
Went and lost her job to some foreign hands
In some faraway land
Last night in Oklahoma
Some twister took thirteen
And they're praying that they find the missing three
God must be busy

That highway sign went from slow ahead
To traffic's dead, thought it couldn't get worse
Then that Amber alert
They say she's 4, Colorado plates
Heading out-of-state in a Chevy van
It's hard to understand
You can see it in the faces
Of all those highway strangers
They're praying that God keeps that girl from danger.
God must be busy

And I know in the big picture
I'm just a speck of sand
And God's got better things to do
Than look out for one man
I know He's heard my prayers
'Cause He hears everything
He just ain't answered back or He'd bring you back to me
God must be busy.

That evening news, ain't much changed
Pretty much the same since I left home
Yeah, that war's still on
They found that little girl
She was soaking wet, half scared to death
On the side of some road
Them prayers work ya know
And the bloods and crips are at it,
And there's a killer drought down south
And old folks can't afford the drugs they can't live with out
God must be busy.

And I know in the big picture
I'm just a speck of sand
And God's got better things to do
Than look out for one man
I know He's heard my prayers
'Cause He hears everything
He just ain't answered back or He'd bring you back to me
God must be busy.

That anchorman says the fighting's worse,
Cities burn in the Middle East
The world prays for peace

Songwriters: Daniels, Clint Allen; Heeney, Michael P;

Performed by Brooks & Dunn

And recorded on the album CowboyTown.

Let's Get Crazy Too!

The first time I heard the song, it brought tears to my eyes and I wasn't quite sure why.  It took a while for me to discover the reason for the tears -- then it hit me!  The song stirred that part of me that resides in each of us -- the part that wants to be recognized and valued -- the part that believes there is more to life than craziness -- the part that stands in defiance of the oncoming tank and draws a line that cannot be crossed!

I call that part "craziness!"  Now don't go getting tied up in your own underwear!  I mean "craziness" in a good sort of way!  Without this particular brand of counter-craziness, the world would win!  Perhaps you have heard the phrase that says, "All that is necessary for evil to overcome the world is for enough good men to do nothing!"  Good men and women have to possess counter-craziness in order to run headlong into the oncoming behemoth of world craziness believing that they can make a difference!

I recently became aware of a battle tactic employed by the Knights Templar.  Even though they were often outnumbered, they would dispense a small group of their number and send them charging ahead in a tight cluster on horseback with the express purpose of disrupting the opposition and dividing the enemy into two more manageable groups to fight.  They were reckless; fearless; CRAZY as they rode into overwhelming odds.  More often than not, the abandon with which they carried out their task caught the enemy so off guard that they were successful beyond belief!  I guess for you football fans, they were the precursor to wedge blocking on kickoff returns!  This is the kind of counter-craziness that takes the "mean times" of life and sets them on their heels!

What in the world would cause me to write about craziness in the midst of the Holidays -- whether you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever other Holiday you observe?  Well, during a time when the World's Craziness threatens to extinguish hope, you and I can tap the power of our Counter-Craziness, hold high the light of hope and make a difference against great odds!

I am crazy right now!

• Crazy enough to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel -- regardless of how long or dark that tunnel might be!
• Crazy enough to believe that standing for the rights of others will make a difference!
• Crazy enough to believe that sincerely asking for restoration can indeed bring desperation to its knees!
• Crazy enough to believe that we are wise enough to know that even in hard times, love and peace abound when material goods do not!
• Crazy enough to believe that when light is shed on needs, we will respond from our hearts to meet those needs -- even when we are tempted to turn our heads for fear of lack in our own lives.
• I . . . AM . . . CRAZY!

The Challenge

How crazy are YOU right now?  Crazy enough to look around at this time of year and step into the fray on behalf of someone less able to do so?  Crazy enough to honestly seek answers to personal problems that have hounded you for far too long?  Crazy enough to give even though giving will stretch your resources?  Crazy enough to step outside the box and give your God a hand -- to ease some of the busyness?

During this Holiday Season when all manner of the world's craziness threatens to overwhelm our senses and lives, what would it hurt to participate in a little "counter-craziness" and make a life-altering difference?

Until next time . . . Peace . . . and Craziness!

Mark

Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley

"WHERE . . . IS . . . GOD????"

The REAL Question!

Actually -- more to the point -- "WHERE . . . IS . . . GOD????  DAMN IT!!!

Now, before some of you become unnecessarily offended by the previous statement and sign off without reading further . . . I ask you to stay with me a bit!  I have no intention of offending anyone!  On the contrary, I am hopeful that this essay will open our eyes a bit when it comes to dealing with people in the middle of crisis!  God certainly hears that -- and more -- from people as they battle life in all of its complexity!  If HE can handle it, certainly we can as well if only for a few moments!  After all . . . He is God and we're not!

The question/statement, "WHERE . . . IS . . . GOD????  DAMN IT!!!" is one I have heard countless times in various ways over the last 18 years working with hundreds of individuals and families as they struggle with the impending death or the aftermath of the death of a loved one.  Quite frankly, this question demands attention -- and not the kind that simply throws impotent cliches and one-liners in the direction of the hurting in hopes that they will "find comfort," "love God" and "go about their business!"  No!  It requires embracing the difficult -- the uncertain -- the inexplicable and working to establish some practical framework within which to explore its gravity!

The Context of Life

I was awakened at 4:00 am yesterday by a tickling in my ear.  As I reached to scratch, my finger encountered something moist.  I was immediately awake!  My first thought was that perhaps I had been bitten by a spider or mosquito and had inadvertently coaxed the bite to weep or bleed.  As I closed my thumb and index finger together, the wet substance was not sticky like blood.  It absorbed into my skin almost immediately on contact.  Then I realized that the tickling sensation in my ear had been caused by a tear sliding down the side of my face -- a tear shed during my sleep.  How very strange!

I got up out of bed and walked to the study in the still darkness of the early morning hour.  As I sat on the sofa contemplating the lone tear that had awakened me, I realized its source!  I have shared with you about the situation concerning Brian and June and you have been so very kind in lifting them in your prayers.  The source was Brian and June.  You see, I spoke with June two days ago and she shared that Brian is not doing well at all.  He is in the hospital again -- white blood count down to 0 -- body riddled with cancer -- unable to function normally -- fighting for his life!  And June?  Well, June is June -- kind, compassionate, caring, loving and concerned.  Not one given to think of herself, she works to find ways to reach out to others in THEIR need!  Despite her strength and courage, June is hurting too -- very deeply!  She is taking care of herself through all of this -- she is neither pretending to be "OK" nor minimizing the personal toll this situation is exacting.  I admire that in her!  I sometimes marvel at the strength and tenderness of this unique lady.  I also learn from her. 

Yes, the source of my awakening tear was their situation.  Although June has not openly asked the question of the moment to my knowledge, I certainly have!  It just seems so unfair -- so unnecessary -- so uncalled for!

As I sat contemplating the question I have heard hundreds of times -- often holding the hands of those stricken with the intense pain of grief -- I was reminded of some very important information.

Possible Answers

First, as it relates to the question at hand, Philip Yancey wrote a book some time ago entitled, Where Is God When It Hurts?  Without going into a long discussion of his addressing of the issue, his answer may be summed up in these two short sentences:  "He is in YOU, the one hurting!  Not in IT, the thing causing the pain!"  What a profound concept!  He is in US when "mean times" come!  He is in US as we seek to live through the "meantimes" working to create a new normal in the process.  He is in US and not IT creating havoc to get our attention!  Oh there is much room for theological debate here, but not now!  I have to remember that in everything that happens, He is working to create good in our lives -- even in the most despicable and desperate of times -- working from the inside out to make a difference in and for us.

I remember Kacie coming to me about three or so months after her mother died asking me: "Dad!  Why did God take my mommy away from me?

How would I answer that question?  I thought a moment then happened to notice her favorite doll lying on her bed -- one of the American Girls Collection we had given her for Christmas just prior to Christy's death.  I reached for the doll and asked, "This is your favorite doll right?"

"Yes, Daddy!"

"And this is your doll because we gave it to you, right"

"Yes, Daddy!"

Then I said, "Kacie, what if I told you that this really was not your doll after all -- that we had given it to you simply to play with and that it was actually my doll because I still have the receipt that tells me so?"

She looked at me quizzically and I continued.  "Further, what if I told you that since it is really my doll that I can take it back anytime I want to and that I decided today is the day I want it back?"

Her confusion increased.

"Kacie, what if when I took the doll away from you then right in front of you, pulled its arms and legs off; tore its head out of its body; ripped its clothes to shreds; threw it in the trash can; and then held out my hand with a smile and asked you to go get some ice cream with me -- what would you do?"

She twisted her face into an agitated snarl and said, "I would be very angry and kick you!"

I said, "I'm sure you would, Honey!  It's for that reason that I cannot say that God took your mommy away from you.  You see, He feels the same way you do about what happened.  Every time you cry, He cries.  Every time you hurt, He hurts.  Every time you are lonely, He is there with you."

He is in US, the ones hurting.  Not in IT the thing causing the pain!  I am not so sure that the sovereignty of God means exactly what the majority wants to make it mean.  I think it may mean something even bigger and more complicated; however, the bottom line is that He is there with, in and for us -- PERIOD!

Second, I was reminded of the necessity to pay attention to the basics -- the foundational components of life that help create meaning in the madness of the mean times.  Many of those foundational components can be wrapped up in the single package of Belief!

One of the most powerful songs of which I am aware that addresses the efficacy of belief when seeking to answer the posited question is Brooks & Dunn's Believe -- the 2006 Academy of Country Music and Country Music Association Song of the Year!  The song tells the story of Old Man Wrigley and a boy who strike up a long-term friendship.  In the process of this unique relationship, Old Man Wrigley helps the boy understand the power of belief in something greater than himself; the power of relationships; and the power of self-knowledge.  If you have heard the song, you know what I mean.  If you haven't, you simply must buy the CD or download the song!  Once you hear it, you will see how its messages relate to the question at hand.

When we face death -- our own or that of someone loved -- we must find a way to connect with that which is Bigger than we; that which is greater than our understanding; that which helps bring meaning to our lives.  The perspective we can gain from this connection possesses the potential to help us understand that we are not alone -- that purpose may be discovered as we explore our personal faith and values.

We must also find a way to connect with that which is Beyond our comprehension -- the belief that life continues beyond what we see.  The thin veil that separates us from life as we know it and life on the other side is just that -- a thin veil.  We must learn to pay attention to our intuition; our heart; our spirit as we reach into the unknown.  We all have questions about what lies ahead.  Our belief in the continuation of existence beyond the temporal can help bring comfort when we need  it most!

In addition, we must find a way to connect to that which is Beneath us -- that which carries us through times of uncertainty.  I recently heard a powerful statement at a funeral service.  The minister said something like this: "God has received this lovely woman into the Heavenly realm; He has not taken her.  Believe me there is a Big Difference between "taking" and receiving!"  The profundity of that statement continues to reverberate through my soul!  The power of the Eternal could certainly take anything or anyone at any time -- yet the truth of this statement (based in part on words found in John 14) reveals the gentle caring nature of the Eternal.  As we step through that veil, we are received with dignity, respect and honor.  That thought delivers peace in a package wrapped in Eternal Order rather than Random Eternal Ambiguity!

Third and finally, I was reminded that each of us will answer the question at hand in our own way, at our own pace and in our own time.  What I shared above is meant only to provide one perspective that might be useful as we struggle to come to grips with the mystery of life and death.  There are so many faith and belief systems -- so very many!  I am hopeful that this will be read by people from all belief systems!  The purpose of this essay is to encourage each of us to explore and engage our individual beliefs and values as we seek answers -- not to influence you toward mine.  I believe that honest exploration will be honored with guidance, direction and power sufficient to the tasks associated with living life in the meantimes!

"WHERE . . . IS . . . GOD????"  He/She is in and with you -- the one hurting and struggling.  Not in it -- the thing causing you the pain!

Explore your Beliefs and experience Peace!

Mark

Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley

A Broken Wing and the Evolution of Dependence

This is likely to be a shorter entry than in the past due to the fact that my "left wing" is broken.  I know, 55 year old men don't have any business pretending to be 25 and playing softball attempting "all-star heroics" -- but, like Brad Paisley says in his song, "I'm still a guy!" And you know what THAT means!

Since Monday night, I have been spaced out on pain meds, restricted by a shoulder splint and sleeping!!  That last part hasn't been so bad!  Tomorrow, I visit the ortho doc to see what if anything else is going to be required.  Oh, did I forget to mention that my "mishap" occurred on the very first play of the game??  REALLY!!  As one friend said, "Mark, that is one 'mean time,' bro!"  Yep!  Sure is!

This week has given me time to reflect a bit on the "mean times" that others face routinely.  Having just one good arm has given me a deeper understanding of and respect for those out there who must contend with disabilities of any kind.  My sense of frustration this week cannot begin to compare with that of those who each day deal honorably with physical challenges much worse than my temporary one.  Some are born with the challenges they face while others inherit them through some traumatic event -- illness, accident, war injury.  These people face choices each day as to how they will go through life -- as a victim or a victor.  Most I see choose the path of victor though not without struggle.

Reflecting this week has also caused me to re-visit the evolution of the word "dependence" as it relates to dealing with life's "mean times."  There are actually four phases of dependence that make up this evolutionary cycle.

First is Dependence -- being totally or completely at the mercy of another for most necessities in life.  Babies are dependent on parents and other caregivers for their actual survival!  Without the loving support of another human being, infants would not thrive and ultimately cease to live.  In a much smaller way, every time we face a debilitating injury (physical, mental, emotional or spiritual) the possibility exists that we will find ourselves dependent on someone for a short period of time until we re-gain our bearings; re-capture our faculties; resume our activities.  I know that I have been dependent on my wife to some degree this week for some of the most basic things that I routinely take for granted.  Bathing; dressing; getting up from the sofa; buckling a seat belt; carrying out the trash.  You get the picture.  However humiliating and frustrating it may be for us, there are going to be times when we find ourselves dependent on the care and assistance of another human being.  These times help remind us of our humanity and connectedness to those around us.

Second is Co-Dependence.  I will deal with this last.

Third in this cycle is Independence -- the state that so many of us strive for as the ultimate pinnacle of arrival!  I so often hear from high school students their passionate desire to be independent -- free from mom and dad!  Free from restrictions!  Free from curfews!  Free from school!  Free from rules!  FREE!  As we all know, independence doesn't mean what we think it means all the time.  Sometimes our expressions of independence create situations where being dependent on mom and dad or some other authority figure wouldn't be so bad after all!  Right?  Still, independence is a crucial step in our development.  It is important to establish a positive personal identity that is not dependent on the opinions of others.  It is important to seek responsible financial independence in order to establish ourselves as contributing members of society.  It is important to develop a professional independence in order to create and follow a personal mission of purposeful service to our fellow man.  It is important to build personal independence so that we can become a more complete person thus bringing value to relationships into which we enter.  Independence is important, but we cannot stop the cycle there!

The final phase in this evolutionary process is Interdependence -- the ability to maturely depend on one another.  John Donne wrote, "No man is an island, entire of itself . . ."   His statement refers to the interconnectedness of man.  What we must realize is that at some level, every event on this planet affects each one of us to some degree -- arguably, some events are closer to home and therefore touch us more intimately -- but nothing happens on this rock that does not alter or add to our experience of being human.  The more often we realize, recognize and respond to this truth, the more likely we will be to make choices that positively influence the world around us and perhaps the world at large.  The Tipping Point is a book that examines how small events or a series of small events can ultimately turn the tide in any situation in very big and powerful ways!  I believe that understanding the dynamics of Interdependence may just be the key to setting the tipping point into action more often.

Oh!  I almost forgot -- Co-dependence!  Wow!  This is the phase in the evolutionary process of dependence that creates more trouble and heartache than we can imagine.  One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by people in order to survive situations in which they are experiencing great emotional pain and distress.  This definition most often applies to individuals in romantic relationships, but can arguably apply to a broader range of relationships as well.  As I look at the world in which we live, I often think that we are in ONE BIG CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP around the globe.  Look at all the problems we face -- the ever widening gap between the rich and the poor; the haves and have-nots; the powerful and the impotent; the boss and the "bossee;" the husband and the wife; the parents and the children; partners; the violent and the meek; the satiated and the starving; the perpetrator and the victim; the good and the bad; the dark and the light.  And the list could go on ad nauseum.

Here is my question:  What might happen if we all  paused and analyzed the various relationships in which we find ourselves -- paying particular attention to those in which we feel powerless; defeated; ignored; abused; cast aside?  Further, what might happen if we began to purposefully take steps to engage the evolutionary process of dependence working toward the position of Interdependence instead?  Impossible you say?  Perhaps -- but what harm is there is working at it -- exploring the possibilities?

Could our attitudes about our job change?  What about the relationship with our significant other?  What about the relationship with our lawmakers?  Our children?  Our parents?  Our teachers?  Our friends?  Our dreams?  Our competitors?  Our allies?  Our enemies?  Our . . . ?

What "broken wing" is keeping you from breakng free and flying to new heights of personal discovery -- of experiencing the Power of Interdependence?  Go ahead!  Start the Process!  I dare you!

Peace!

Mark

Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley