Living in the Meantimes

An Essay Revisited ~ Fighting the Fickle Feely Fingers of Fate

Not long ago, I first posted this essay.  Recently, a good friend of mine from Twitter ~ Ponet ~ suggested that I re-post it.  I hadn't thought much about this particular one until she brought up the subject!  I then conducted a brief, non-scientific survey of other trusted advisers and all agreed that I should re-post . . . so . . . here goes.

As an update on some items at the end of the essay: (1) I am making significant progress on the publishing project for the Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning which should be out in August or September.  I am still looking for a few financial partners to assist in this crucial project. (2) The  One in a Million Campaign is moving along ~ albeit slowly ~ but moving along just the same.  (3) I have been able to make a wonderful contact regarding agency representation for my speaking which could lead to representation for my other books waiting in the wings.

That being said, please enjoy the re-posting of Fighting the Fickle Feely Fingers of Fate!

The Creepies

I knew they were coming!  I had sensed their presence lurking around the edges of my consciousness for about a week!  They've been a constant companion of mine since I was a child -- and I'm guessing that they've been caught hanging around your life as well from time to time!  Who are they?  Well, they are the creepies of course!  You know what I mean -- those feelings that slither their way into your soul and eat away at your confidence; chew holes in your resolve; cloud your thinking; cast doubts on your determinations!  The creepies!  Yes, they are always looking for a inroad -- a path by which to capture our dreams and hold them prisoner.

The creepies are the agents of FATE sent out to undercut our abilities to rise above the mundane.  Dark and shadowy, they prowl -- nosing at the cracks in our lives seeking dreams to devour.  FATE has a way of doing that to us -- convincing us that whatever our current lot in life, it was simply meant to be -- rendering us incapable of questioning or fighting against it.

FATE has other emissaries it employs to snuff out our dreams -- family of origin dysfunctions; societal injunctions; religious restrictions -- all working from time to time to eliminate the power of personal resolve!  FATE positions itself as some sort of all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful entity that determines which of us will rise above to live the life of our dreams and which of us will only futilely wish for the life of our dreams.

Yes, for about a week the creepies waited and watched . . . until . . . yesterday they made their move on me!

In the Darkness

I felt the creepies surround me -- poking and prodding; seeking entrance into my mind, my soul, my spirit.  I was immediately awake -- alert to all that was going on inside and around me!  The time? Two o'clock in the morning -- the darkest of darkness.

I quietly slipped out of bed and made my way to the study -- the creepies hovering, floating, probing, nudging as I walked.  I sat in my chair waiting to see what kinds of words would issue from the creepies.  I waited only a moment.

As if perched on my shoulders; positioned in my heart; punched into my brain, the words flowed:  "What do you think you're doing?"  "Have you gone completely mad?"  "Who do you think you are anyway?"  "Did you honestly think you could pull this off?"  "Do you know how ridiculous you look?"  "Do you have any idea how many people laugh at you?"  "When will you come to your senses and put an end to all this foolishness?"

With each onslaught, my resolve withered a bit!  My belief in self sustained bruising blows!  My dreams appeared far-fetched!  The creepies had me on the ropes and were pounding away!  FATE seemed to be winning once again -- then -- the bell!  (Actually it was my alarm going off at 6:00 am)  God knows how many rounds I tussled with FATE in the wee hours of the morning before my reprieve, but I was roused from this all-too-familiar fight and given a chance to fight back!

I stood up, and from within my spirit shouted, "NO! Not THIS time!"  I made my way back to bed, crawled under the covers and went to sleep!  I slept peacefully for four hours and then awakened.

On the Run

After a cup of coffee and the Sunday morning paper, I pulled on my running clothes and hit the pavement.  I do my best thinking; get my best ideas; capture my best insights while running.  Yesterday morning was no different. 

I attached my mp3 player to my arm, put on the earphones donned my cap and sunglasses and headed out.  When I run, I always listen to Brooks & Dunn -- everything from the Steers & Stripes cd to Cowboy Town!  Their music energizes me and jump-starts my thinking!  Songs like, "Only in America," "Red Dirt Road," "It's Getting Better All the Time," "Believe," "That's What It's All About," "Play Something Country," "Proud of the House We Built," and "Cowgirls Don't Cry" pour positive power into my running and my thinking!

As I ran, my mind freed itself of negative clutter and insight crystallized!  I knew what I needed to do -- what I needed to write.  When I returned home, I spent some time reflecting and writing notes.

What I Realized About FATE

While running, I realized several things about FATE that demand sharing!

First, FATE is Fickle!  A belief that FATE somehow perfectly spells out the paths we walk fails to recognize the fickle nature of life.  As easily as the weather changes, so does life!  FATE's fickle nature finds its essence in the circumstantial ebb and flow of life.  Do I really want to trust the realization of my dreams to a force that changes like the wind?

Second, FATE is Feely!  FATE depends on us to be carried away by our feelings of fear and uncertainty and despair!  It feeds on the life that emotions create in us.  It tears away at the positive emotions leaving only those that would cause us to freeze into place and cease working to realize our dreams!  Feely is different from intuition!  Intuition often goes against the grain!  It encourages us to take risks -- step out on a limb!  It guides us through the maze of "can't" into the realm of "can!"  Intuition is the substance of hope and faith!  Feely is well . . . feely!

Third, FATE has Fingers whose job it is to pull us back into the mire of defeatist beliefs and actions.  As I ran, I recalled a cartoon from my childhood where a character had fallen into a tar pit.  Flat on his back he began struggling to extract himself from the sticky substance.  With each move forward, the tar stretched from his body forming long, thin fingers that snapped back to the ground as he dislodged from their grip.  One by one, these fingers fell away until only one remained.  The character was exhausted.  Unable to see behind him and discern the reality of his situation due to his focus to move forward, he believed that his efforts were in vain -- that he would never be free of the mire.  Just as he was about to be free from the pit, he gave up and only one thin thread of tar pulled him back.  He was once again stuck never aware of just how close he had come to being free!  FATE has fingers, but they are not all-powerful! 

Fourth, FATE is not Final!  As much as we are led to believe at times, FATE is not set in stone!  It is not inescapable!  Destiny is a synonym for FATE.  We often find a skewed kind of comfort relegating our lives to FATE or Destiny.  We are off the hook if our life is destined to be what it is, right?  Well, I am firmly convinced that in large measure, we are where we are, do what we are doing and experience what we are experiencing due to choices we have made and continue to make!  It's like this, have you ever bought a plane ticket to one destination and not arrived at that pre-determined place?  I know there can be some exceptions due to weather or other unforeseen situations, but you see my point!  We arrive where we arrive, experience what we experience, have what we have based on our choices!  Our Destiny is created as we choose to embrace and engage the opportunities presented to us and make choices.  WE choose our destiny!

Fifth and finally, FATE can be Fought . . . and defeated!

The Formula for Fighting FATE

Following are some thoughts about how to successfully fight the facade of FATE.

1. We must realize that a Dream Conceived = Potential!  We must all allow ourselves to dream the life we desire to have!  That process establishes the potential of something different!
2. We must realize that a Dream Written = Possibility! Rarely do we ever realize a dream until and unless we write it down enabling us to read it regularly!  The more we read what we've written the more we believe in the possibility!
3. We must realize that a Dream Shared = Probability!  Accountability is perhaps the primary key to realizing dreams!  When our dreams are shared with others we create the opportunity to benefit from the counsel and wisdom of others.  We also take steps to eliminate excuses as to our ability to achieve our dreams.  We are accountable to another person!
4. We must realize that Patience Produces Results!  Nothing worth achieving will happen over night!
5. We must realize that Perseverance Pays Dividends!  The more strength we receive from the purposeful pursuit of our dreams, the more strength we will possess when times become difficult!
6. We must realize that Persistence Prevents Purposelessness!  The persistent pursuit of our dreams injects purpose into our actions, our conversations, our decisions, our relationships!

Walking the Talk!

In an effort to model some of what I write about today, I want to put a few of my dreams out there for public consumption!  Now believe me, this is a scary proposition; however, a necessary one if I am to maintain any sense of credibility.  Following are some of the dreams that were attacked by the creepies yesterday morning.

• I am currently in the process of raising funds for the Journey of Hope Grief Support Center through a campaign I call One in a Million!  My goal is to raise One Million Dollars, One Dollar at a time, One Person at a time in 2009!  As part of this campaign, I have dedicated myself to run one million steps or 500 miles (12 miles per week) between now and the end of the year.  I will donate $500 to the Journey of Hope as a result!  I have created another blog where you can follow the progress of the campaign @http://tinyurl.com/dxld8r   Won't you join me by donating just one dollar and then inviting friends and family to do the same?
• I am currently engaged in a project to revise, update and publish a second edition of my first book Awaken to Good Mourning.  In order to do this, I am seeking financial partners to assist me in this endeavor.  I am convinced that the five people I need to meet are out there and by putting this information out, I am more likely to meet them than if I did not!  I envision selling one million copies of this book!  The need is great and the markets are wide open!
• I am seeking agent and/or agency representation to assist me in finding a publisher for four more books I have ready to go at this point in time -- The Place of Passage (a collection of therapeutic short stories), Living in the Meantimes (essays for purposeful, powerful living), Crucial Conversations With Children and Death Benefit Delivery: What Do I Do Now? (for life insurance professionals).

There you have it!  Likely more information than you wanted; however, I am hopeful that you will find encouragement to pursue your dreams with purpose, persistence, patience and perseverance!

Please feel free to share your dreams in this open forum!  Remember, there is power in shared dreams!

Until next time . . . Peace . . . and Sweet Dreams!

Mark

Copyright 2009 by Mark E. Hundley

Banish Worry in Five Simple Steps!

But . . . There Are . . . GIANTS Out There!

The world in which we live is filled with GIANTS -- standing on every corner; posted on every hilltop; stationed in every board room; infiltrating every organization; lurking around our homes; toying with our minds; intimidating our every intent!  Who are these giants?  Certainly not the San Francisco type! No sirree!  The giants to which I refer are the GIANTS of WORRY!  That's right -- Worry!

In the same manner that Goliath goaded the Israelites, Worry taunts us, degrades our personhood, challenges our courage, discounts our purpose, laughs at our resolve, calls us names, drains our energy and deflates our spirit!  Yes, Worry is one mean dude!

We, like the trusty Israelites, often find ourselves trembling in the shadows cast by the GIANT worries that loom over us!  What's a person to do?

Worry's Focus

If we examine the plight of the Israelites, we discover the source of their impotence in facing the monstrous challenge in front of them.  At the very core of their worries was a focus on what they did NOT have in their possession.  What were some of the things that captured their attention -- those possessions that they believed would turn the tide in their favor? I can hear them now --  "If only we had ______ we could defeat that mean old GIANT!"

It seems that they believed if they only had "their own Giant," then they would win.  If they had the "courage" to face him down, then they would be victorious.  If they had a "secret weapon" they could take him by surprise.  If they had a warrior with "superhuman strength" then the war would end.  If, if, if!  It is really difficult to fight and win a battle against worry if your focus is always on what you do NOT have in your possession!  Worry will win every time!

KISS and Know Your Enemies!

No, I do not mean the enigmatic rock group!  That's a bizarre subject for another essay another time!  You have likely heard KISS referred to as either Keep It Short and Simple or Keep It Simple, Stupid!  Either way, the power of the simple approach is evident!  In addition to focusing our thoughts on what we do NOT have in our possession, we tend to further complicate matters by buying into the false belief that in order for a strategy to be effective it must be inherently complex.

I think that perhaps we sometimes create complex strategies in order to subtly sabotage our own efforts to embrace change and growth; thus, we succumb to the GIANTS of worry.  The more we allow worry to dominate our thoughts and actions, the less capable we are of taking charge of our life.

Among the Israelites, one person refused to acknowledge the perceived power of worry and this refusal proved pivotal in the final outcome of the battle in which they found themselves.

After David arrived at the Israelite camp, heard Goliath's taunts, observed the fear and worry that paralyzed his countrymen and inquired as to the nature of their lack of response, he did the only thing that appeared logical.  He volunteered to defeat the GIANT worrying his brothers!  Now you might think that his courage would have brought him immediate accolades!  Not so!  In fact, a few became angry while others taunted him -- funny how hearing a constant deluge of worrisome words can infiltrate our thinking, is it not?  Finally after much persuasion, the king agreed to allow David to face Goliath, but only if he dressed in the king's battle gear.  Bad idea!

David was only a teen -- certainly not a full grown man!  David was swimming in the armor given to him.  At last, David rejected the offer and went to meet the worrisome GIANT armed with what he had -- what he knew.  As a shepherd, he had developed a skill for using a sling shot to protect his flocks -- and he was quite adept at this skill, I might add.

David found FIVE SMOOTH STONES, put them into his pouch and made his way out to the battlefield.  Despite the laughter, belittling and derogatory comments flung his way by Goliath, David stood his ground, stated what he was going to do, reached into his pouch, pulled out one of the five stones, placed it in the cradle of the sling shot, began the circular motion necessary to launch the projectile and at the proper moment, let it fly!  The rest is history, legend or myth (however you choose to look at it) -- the stone found its mark and the worrisome GIANT went down in defeat!

The keys to this unlikely victory?  There are two.

First, David took a little time to know something about his enemy.  He asked questions, made observations and evaluated his enemy.  If we are to ever banish the GIANTS of Worry from our lives, we must do the same thing!  A friend of mine told me that asking my readers to list their worries would be a great idea!  I agree!  So, before you read the Five Simple Steps to Banishing Worry from your life, may I suggest that you spend a little time making a list of the worries that cramp your life right now.  As my friend said, "writing them down brings them into perspective."  In other words, they do not seem as large when they are on paper!  Thanks, Mara for that suggestion!  So, get to writing! 

Second, David focused on what he HAD and not on what he did NOT have and used those skills, those possessions to his advantage!  He kept his approach simple!

So What Does This Mean?

We, like David, have the ability to banish worry in five simple steps -- but only if we acknowledge the power found in them.  David selected five smooth stones knowing that if for some reason the first did not do the trick, he had four others equally capable of handling the task.  Let's look at the five simple steps you can employ to banish worry from your life!  I recently worked the following process so that I could share it with you from a perspective of experience rather than theory.  Believe me, it works!  Get ready!

1. Focus on What You DO Have!  Too often we allow the "if/only" game to set us up for defeat.  You know how it goes, "I I only had ______ then I could achieve my goals."  When we fall victim to this impotent game, we miss the obvious -- those things we DO have in our possession.  The First Challenge I extend to you is this: Set aside 30 minutes or so and make a list of everything you have in your possession -- at your fingertips -- right now!  These things will form the foundation from which you will attack worry!  Some examples of things you might list are education, friends, contacts, club/organization membership, ideas, products, abilities, talents, cars, computers, a house, televisions, etc.  You get the idea!  List everything you have right now.
2. Reflect on How These Possessions Have Served You in the Past!  After you have listed everything that comes to mind, make notations about how you have employed each of these possessions in the past as well as the outcomes associated with using them.  Be honest!  Be as complete and detailed as possible in order to create a picture of the power packed in the things you possess.
3. Determine Ways in Which You Can Put These Possessions to Work for You Now!  Begin the process of creating strategies to employ the power of those possessions as you work to attain your personal goals.  Assuming that all behavior is purposeful -- that we act "in order to" and not "because of" -- then the desired and anticipated outcomes of putting your possessions to work for you should become clear.  You will have an idea of what to expect as you put those things to work for you right now!
4. Take Deliberate Action Steps to Put Your Power into Play!  Once your strategies are in place, start taking action steps toward your goals!  Be persistent and consistent!  Make calls!  Write letters!  Ask questions!  Attend networking meetings!  Be teachable!  Sell some of your stuff if you have to!  You get the point!  You must put your personal power into play if you expect to see any results!
5. Repeat the Cycle!  That's right, repeat the cycle!  Why you may ask?  Well, when we focus on what we have -- those things we possess -- and put them to work for us, then we will begin acquiring more of what we want that we didn't have when we started the process in the first place!  As we begin to accumulate more of what we want, we discover that our resources have multiplied -- we have more stuff with which to work -- more possessions to invest in those things that are important to us!  Re-evaluation of our position in the process reminds us to always act from the position of what we do have in order to get what we need and want to live a fulfilled life!

One Final Thought

Life is unpredictable -- and that in itself is predictable!  What we know for sure is that the ebb and flow of life will create challenges that must be met head on!  If we are not careful, we can allow the GIANTS of Worry to intimidate us into believing that we can do nothing!  They will convince us that our efforts to change our circumstances are futile at best.  They will defeat us!

Today -- right where you are -- decide to shift your focus to what you have at your fingertips! 
Determine to put those known quantities to work for you!  Step out on that battlefield, select the first of your stones, place it in the cradle of your belief, set it into motion, release it toward its target and watch Worry fall to the ground in a heap of deflated bravado!  Now, do it again . . . and again . . . and again . . . and . . .

You can . . . no . . . You WILL banish worry!

Until next time . . . Peace!

Mark

Copyright 2009 Mark E.  Hundley