Living in the Meantimes

Every Step Has a Story: The Cooper Family

Every Step Has a Story: The Cooper Family

Awaken to Good Mourning Awaken to Good Mourning serves as a personal guide for the journey of grief. A portion of the proceeds from all sales goes to support the Every Step Has a Story project. Won't you consider purchasing a copy for yourself, a friend, family member or colleague? Price: $15.95 S & H: Included Please visit Awaken Associates to purchase your copy today!

Dear Friends, "Every Step Has a Story" and every story has a lesson. Each week, I will share a brief story from a child, adolescent or family who has been touched by the death of a loved one. Most of the stories will have positive endings; however, some will paint a picture of continuing uncertainty. I only wish that all stories could end well, but that is not reality.  Both types of stories drive the "Every Step Has a Story" project and my goal is to share both sides of the coin. I am hopeful that you will find this weekly feature to be helpful, informative and encouraging. Thank you! Mark Hundley   The Cooper Family Story I will never forget the day the Cooper family walked into my office at the agency sixteen years ago. Having read the intake form prior to their arrival did little to prepare me. To say that I felt inadequate and ill equipped was an understatement. There in the doorway stood Mrs. Cooper and five stair-step children ages 15, 14, 8, 5 and 2. I say "stood" when actually the two year old was in a stroller ~ right arm wrapped in heavy bandages and left leg in a cast to the knee. I noticed that Mrs. Cooper wore dark sunglasses and held tightly to the arm of her oldest, a daughter. I knew from the intake that Mrs. Cooper struggled with impaired sight. As I invited them in and assisted in finding places for each one, I breathed a desperate prayer for guidance . . . The horrific story outlined in the intake form was nowhere as horrific as the details as they unfolded in the first session. It seems that the patriarch of the Cooper family was a mean, cruel, controlling and violent man. Mrs. Cooper shared that her husband would often hold a loaded pistol to her head and threaten to kill her if she did not follow his commands. As the two oldest girls entered adolescence, his threats settled on their shoulders and into their respective psyches as well. The control he exerted over his family was complete and all-consuming. The lingering effects of that control was almost palpable as they sat meekly sharing their joint story. The reason for their presence in my office was that their husband and father had died a violent death only a couple of weeks prior to our appointment. It seems that one summer afternoon, the trailer in which they resided caught fire. They desperately fought to escape the flames that threatened all of their lives. In the midst of the inferno that swept the dwelling, Mr. Cooper grabbed the youngest two and tossed them through a small window in the middle of the trailer. Prior to that, he had made sure the others were out of harm's way. After he tossed the youngest out the window, he was overcome by the smoke and perished in the blaze. Mr. Cooper died a feared and hated hero. The conflicting thoughts, emotions and perceptions that tormented each surviving family member created immense challenges for their treatment and support. The task of providing appropriate support for the family was too much for one therapist to handle alone. After that initial session, we created a team treatment plan that included play therapy for the younger children, group for the older ones and a team approach with Mrs. Cooper ~ an approach where a female co-therapist worked with me to provide Mrs. Cooper the comfort, stability and support she needed. As part of the treatment plan, we also encouraged grief support group participation at an area grief support center that served families with children in the age ranges of the Coopers. As is so often the case, life got in the way. . . transportation became an issue . . . the necessities of daily living squeezed therapy out of the picture . . . and the Cooper family moved to another part of the country to be close to extended family. I often wonder how they are fairing.  The children are no longer children and the mother is advancing in age. I have no idea whether or not the interventions and support we sought to provide proved adequate enough for their desperately complex needs. All I can do is hope . . . and pray that a few seeds of comfort, love and encouragement were enough to serve as a foundation for healing and grief reconciliation. The lesson I learned from those encounters was that in every situation with which I am faced, I must do the best I can with what I have at the time I have it. I am reminded of a quote from C. S. Lewis that says, "The present is the point at which Time Touches Eternity." I must believe that those "present" moments spent with the Cooper family touched eternal moments that to this day, pay dividends for them. I can only hope . . .  May you become increasingly aware of how each "present" moment carries with it the potential of eternal significance. Until next week . . . Peace!   Sincerely,   Mark Hundley

Every Step Has a Story

Dear Friends,

I am often amazed at how rapidly life changes ~ how quickly the landscape in which we live alters around us! Since the last newsletter, so many exciting things have happened! I am anxious to share them with you and ask that you consider passing the newsletter along to friends and family members you think might find the news as exciting as I!

Here goes!

Mark

McKinney, TX to Nashville, TN~600 Miles/Thirty Days         

As you know from last month's newsletter, I've had one of those "crazy ideas" again! The Every Step Has a Story project I told you about is taking on a life of its own! I would never have dreamed that so much could happen in such a short time, but it has!

On April 1, 2011, I will depart McKinney, TX, headed for Nashville, TN ~ a 600 mile hike ~ averaging 20 to 25 miles per day. My plans are to complete this task on Saturday April 30, 2011! What would compel a 57 year old bald guy to take on such a project? Glad you asked!

Essentially, my passion to provide support for grieving children, adolescents and families drives me to pursue this task. Following are the three goals I have for this project:

• To raise awareness of the scope and impact of childhood and adolescent grief on a national level.
• To highlight organizations around our country that work to provide support for grieving children and families.
• To raise awareness of and funds for the Journey of Hope Grief Support Center regionally in the North Texas  area.

Now I must confess that as I contemplated sharing this idea with others, I thought I would be met with skepticism or discouragement. To my elation, the opposite has been the case! Without exception, everyone who has listened to the details of this project has been extremely excited and supportive!

In order to accomplish the goals listed above, part of the overall plan includes a town hall type meeting at each stop along the way where I will share my story and collect stories from those in attendance; media coverage ~ nationally, regionally and locally; capturing the walk on video so that a documentary film can be made; ancillary events that will support the primary stated goals of the project just to name a few. A group of volunteers has emerged to help me plan, promote and produce this event! There is no way I can accomplish this on my own.

In the brief time since the last newsletter, the following has happened:

• I was put in touch with two amazing men who will help coordinate and produce the documentary film. David Lyons of Lyons Entertainment and Travis Shortt of Black River Media/Films have latched on to this project with a fierce passion of their own! I am so excited!
• Travis Shortt has volunteered his Public Relations expertise to help promote this project.
• StatGuard Technologies will provide the technology to host and monitor a dedicated website for the walk that will allow 24/7 live streaming video of the event so that folks from anywhere can follow the progress.
• In partnership with StatGuard, Sprint has signed on as a sponsor to provide the phones and related technology to access and upload the video to the site!

I could go on and on, but for now, these  developments will suffice. I will update our progress with periodic emails so be on the lookout!

The First of Many to Come . . .

Donna's Story Between now and April 2011, I will be sharing stories from folks who have experienced the death of a loved one where children or adolescents were directly involved or affected. My intent is to reveal the extent to which children, adolescents and families are touched by the death of loved ones. Often, the stories will reveal positive outcomes. At other times, the realities of of life will find expression in hope unfulfilled. I'm hopeful that you will find this segment in each newsletter and email to be helpful in some way. A little over twenty years ago, I met Donna one day while working out at the YMCA in Plano, TX. I had just completed my first marathon to raise funds for a memorial scholarship in Christy's memory and honor at the University of North Texas. The local YMCA supported my efforts and in the process, posted my picture. Donna recognized me and we began to talk about her experience. Donna shared the following: "You know, Mark, I just celebrated my fortieth birthday yesterday. As exciting as that should have been, I was sad deep down inside." I asked her why and she continued, "Well, I was reminded that twenty-two years ago when I was eighteen, my mother died from breast cancer. I will never forget how empty and lost I felt, but that was not the worst of it all. I was the eldest of six children, the youngest being six. I will never forget the afternoon after my mother's funeral when my dad came into the room and addressed all of us kids. He said 'Your mother is dead. We will grieve for the next two weeks and then we have to get on with life. There is just too much to do to grieve any longer.'" She shared further. "Being the eldest and a female, I took on many responsibilities for raising my younger siblings. I graduated from high school but delayed going to college because there was just too much to do . . . and it was my job to see that all was done the way it needed to be done." I remember her eyes trailing off to some place in her distant past as tears formed in her eyes. She said, "Mark, I have been two weeks into my grief for twenty-two years now. What do I do to start healing?" Donna's courageous sharing of her story that day started her down her own personal path to healing and grief reconciliation. Sharing one's story ~ as often as needed ~ is just one way to begin the process of healing.

Speaking of Speaking . . .

On the Road I have been privileged to speak to many groups recently. In March, I traveled to Las Vegas to present a session on the "Compassionate Delivery of Death Benefits" to a group of life insurance professionals at the annual Life Agency Management Program. In May, I conducted a workshop with the Collin College Counseling Department addressing the "Integration Model of the Grief Process and a New Approach to Grief Counseling." Early July found me in Denton at the UNT Center for Counseling and Human Development spending time with some graduate counseling students and supervising professors talking about the "Integration Model of the Grief Process." The coming months will find me in the following places: September 15 & 16, 2010 ~ Mountain View, CA ~ Cusimano Family Colonial Mortuary ~ Conducting an evening session for the community and a professional development session the next day for counseling, health care, clergy & grief support professionals. October 7, 2010 ~ French Lick, IN (north of Louisville, KY) ~ Northwestern Mutual Agency Meeting ~ "Death Benefit Delivery: What Do I Do Now?" January 2011 ~ Collin County Council on Family Violence, Plano, TX ~ "The Specter of Disenfranchised Grief in Domestic Violence." I would love to speak in your community. In conjunction with the "Every Step Has a Story" event, I will speak to groups about the principles that drive such an effort and how those principles can infuse any business, educational institution, church or civic organization with renewed determination to move forward in tough times.

Awaken to Good Mourning ~ Bulk Purchase Discounts

Many groups and organizations have contacted me asking about bulk purchase discounts for Awaken to Good Mourning. Funeral homes, churches, life insurance agencies, colleges and others have discovered the value of having Awaken to Good Mourning available for their clients and members. Awaken Associates will offer the deepest bulk purchase discount on Awaken to Good Mourning to any individual or group through August 2010. Whether you purchase two or two hundred copies, the per copy prices will be $8. Contact us today for details. Our Price: $8.00 List Price:  $15.95 S & H: Included

I'll Speak for Free!

Yes, you read correctly! I'll SPEAK FOR FREE!

Any speaking engagement booked during the month of May 2010 ~ regardless of the month of the scheduled event ~ I'm waiving my speaking fee!  The only two requirements I have is that the booking organization provide travel & lodging if necessary and allow for the sale of my book Awaken to Good Mourning at the end of the presentation! That's it!

Why in the world am I making this offer?  I'm glad you asked!

First, I have discovered that many organizations would love to book speakers but due to the economic stresses have chosen to forgo the expense of bringing in outside resources.  Second, I feel compelled to make this offer! You see, deep in the core of my soul, the desire to communicate with groups of people about the possibilities of powerful living in the Meantimes of Life drives me to seek audiences.  Finally, based solely on past experience, the messages that burn in my spirit connect with people at levels that defy explanation.

The other day a friend and colleague sent me her "endorsement statement" of my speaking.  I was both amused and deeply touched by what she said.  She wrote, "Mark Hundley's presentations are a tasty treat. He serves up delicious stories of real people and real life and adds big dollups of humor along with a dash of tears. You'll want seconds and thirds."  I'd certainly love to be on your group's menu!

I speak to multiple audiences. Following is a brief listing of a few of the more popular topics and the audiences to which they are directed.  Perhaps this will help you in deciding with whom you will share the information.

General Interest

• Life’s Journey and the Power of Belief – Life is a Journey and not a Destination.  Along the paths we travel we often struggle with challenges, difficulties and obstacles.  This presentation addresses the power available to us as we learn to Believe in the Journey of Life Itself, the Journey of Others and our Own Personal Journey.

• Successful Living in the Meantimes of Life – We are often thrown off track in life by the intrusion of “Mean Times” – events that create chaos and confusion forcing us to shift our focus.  This presentation explores ways to live successfully when the “Mean Times” occur as well as how to navigate the “Meantimes” – the intervening time between the event and the continuation of our life.  The ability to Acknowledge and Embrace the reality of the event; Take Inventory of our Resources; Acquire new Coping Tools: and Act with Purpose empowers us to live successfully through any Mean Time Life may throw our way!

Life Insurance Industry

• From Tragedy to Triumph: The Power of Life Insurance -- Mark’s personal story – both inspirational and motivational!  This presentation is guaranteed to infuse agents with certainty about the purpose of their work!  Mark details how the Product, Person and Promise components of life insurance create a powerful dynamic for dealing effectively with beneficiaries.

• Death Benefit Delivery: What Do I Do Now? – This presentation details simple, effective steps for competent, compassionate delivery of death benefits through the transfer of skills already a part of the training regimen for the agent.

Churches and Religious Organizations

• God’s Cycle of Comfort: The Key to Effective Community Outreach – Community outreach forms one of the core values of most churches; however, not all programs of outreach are as effective as intended.  This presentation examines God’s Cycle of Comfort by Defining its Cyclical Nature; Its Redemptive Purpose; and its Relational Impact.  Participants will discover that all the tools necessary for effective community outreach lie within the scope of their own personal human experience.

 

• The Good Mourning Sandwich – Long before McDonald’s created the Egg McMuffin, God outlined the path to healing from loss in His Mourning Sandwich model.  This presentation examines the components necessary to combine faith and action in a meaningful context thus creating a model of meaning-making through the process of mourning losses

I' hopeful that these brief descriptions provide you with information you can share with organizations of which you are a part.

Remember! May is "Speak for Free" month!  Any booking that takes place this month, I waive my fee!

Give me a call at 469-422-1638 or email me at [email protected]

I look forward to heading to your neck of the woods!

Later!  Peace, ya'll!

Mark

Speaking of . . . Speaking!

It's What I Do!

Anyone who knows me knows that I could talk the varnish off a chair if given the chance. I love to talk ~ especially to groups of people! In fact, I can think of very few things I love more than speaking to audiences of all sizes and ages! I experience a deep sense of satisfaction and purpose when I communicate with groups of people.

In over 39 years of public speaking, I've been privileged to present for 12 state and regional conferences, 6 national conferences and 1 international conference! Speaking has taken me to 16 different states & the District of Columbia! Clients include over 25 life insurance companies or organizations, over 30 churches of various denominations, 5 counseling centers, 5 funeral homes, 15 civic organizations, 10 institutions of higher learning, 10 grief support organizations and 6 public school districts. Speaking has opened the doors for over 50 radio and 8 television appearances. I am truly blessed to have been a part of so many different life-altering events!

I recently read a statement that distinguishes motivational speakers from compelling speakers. The comparison goes like this: "Motivational speakers touch the mind and stir the resolve. Compelling speakers touch the spirit and stir action!" I strive for classification as a compelling speaker! Over the years, audiences have shared feedback. Some of the most meaningful comments follow:

* "Powerful message! You made me feel good about being a life insurance professional!"
* "Your presentation to the survivors was warm, honest and honoring! Thank you!"
* "Students don't spontaneously applaud speakers these days unless they do an outstanding job! You certainly did!"
* "I could have listened for hours!"
* Hearing Mark speak is like sitting at the kitchen table sharing a cup of coffee with your best friend."

I am in the process of filling my 2010 speaking schedule and ask for your assistance. As you reflect on the groups of which you are a part, I would be honored if you would include me as possible recommendation if your group finds itself in need of a speaker.

During the month of May, any speaking engagement scheduled will be a "Speak for Free" event. That means that during the month of May, I will waive my fee for any event scheduled ~ regardless of the ultimate date I speak. All that I ask is that the group provide travel and lodging if necessary. I also ask that I be allowed to offer my book, Awaken to Good Mourning, for purchase at the event.

If your group has an interest, booking information may be obtained by calling: 469-288-2694 or email [email protected]

I am hopeful that our paths will cross sometime in the coming months!

Mark's speaking has captivated thousands! He subtly eases his way into the hearts and minds of his audience expertly administering compassion, humor, wisdom and insight in presentations guaranteed to make you laugh, cry, think and dream! He is a friend to educators; a valued resource for mental health professionals; a fresh perspective for the business and corporate world; an encourager of hurting hearts! You will be glad you contacted Mark Hundley!

 

Speaking of the Meantimes . . .

Exciting Developments for 2010!

As you know, this blog is dedicated to offering information designed to help folks live powerfully and successfully during the Mean Times of life.  Over the past couple of years, I've sought to do that by creating and sharing essays written to inspire, challenge and encourage.  With the recent release of the Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning, I am pleased to add updates and stories related to the book as well as new opportunities coming my way to share strategies for living powerfully during the Meantimes of Life.

The book marketing is going well.  Because of my goal to place the book into the hands of entities who have the most immediate access to the people who need the information the most, we are targeting funeral homes, churches, life insurance companies, hospices, corporate HR departments and the like.  Already, we have made significant connections in these areas locally.  In addition, the Bereaved Families of Ontario, The Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice in New Jersey and the Centering Corporation have expressed interest in adopting Awaken to Good Mourning as a part of their program in some way!  We are extremely excited about these opportunities and continue to work to make even more connections!

On March 22, 2010, I was privileged to speak to a group of life insurance company decision-makers at the 2010 LAMP Conference (Life Agency Management Program) ~ the Education Division of GAMA, Intl. (General Agents & Managers Association) ~ in Las Vegas!  The subject of my afternoon breakout session was, "Death Benefit Delivery: What Do I Do Now?" The presentation is designed to outline a framework for compassionate, caring death benefit delivery processes and procedures that ultimately create win-win outcomes for all involved ~ the beneficiary, agent and company.  The presentation was very well received and I was able to make significant contacts for future work in the life insurance industry.

Coming up in June 2010, I will be presenting a workshop for the Counseling and Student Services Department of Collin College in Plano.  The focus of the presentation will be to equip those folks with tools so that they may work with grieving students in more effective and efficient ways.

January 2011 will bring the opportunity to present to the Collin County Council of Violence Annual Conference.  My presentation will address "Disenfranchised Grief and Domestic Violence!" I am excited about this particular presentation in that it will be the first time to formally address the subject of Disenfranchised Grief as it relates to Domestic Violence issues!

What Can You Do to Help?

Well, I'm glad you asked ~ even though you really haven't! I cherish the assistance and support of my friends in getting the word about my work out to a larger public.  I am convinced that the more we talk about and discuss the challenges related to loss, grief and living in tough times, the better suited we become to handle the challenges of life in positive, healing and healthy ways.  So . . . that being said . . . here's a few ways you can help me out.

• Think about people you know who work in the funeral business, life insurance, ministry, hospice or education fields.  Write their names down and send them to me. I would love the chance to share with them a little about my work.
• Think about civic or professional organizations of which you are a member.  What opportunities might there be for me to address those groups in a presentations designed to meet the specific needs of your group?  Speak with the directors or leaders of those organizations about contacting me.
• Consider approaching the pastor, rabbi or priest of your local place of worship about the possibility of my coming to speak. I would love the chance to interact with those in your group.
• Finally, think about friends, co-workers, acquaintances or family members who have lost loved ones. Take a step to share the Gift of Healing by giving Awaken to Good Mourning. Bulk purchase discounts are available with the purchase of two or more copies.

Signing Off For Now

That's all for now!  I'll be posting frequently to provide updates.  I look forward to hearing from you ~ your thoughts, comments and suggestions for contact!  Thank you for all the support you've given thus far!

Oh! One More Thing!

I plan on providing answers to questions related to death, loss, grief, life transition issues and living in the meantimes on this blog.  If you or someone you know has a question you would like addressed, please send them my way!  Thanks!

Until Next Time . . . Peace!

Mark

 

To purchase individual copies, please visit Awaken Associates and click on the "Buy Now" Button

Awaken to Good Mourning~Second Edtion~Launch News!

Awaken Associates Announces

The Release and Launch of Awaken to Good Mourning!

On Thursday March 4, 2010, Awaken Associates and the P3 Press officially launched the Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning at the Essence of Eve Day & Med Spa in McKinney, TX! 

Awaken to Good Mourning Is Finally Here!  The Second Edtion was successfully launched on Thursday March 4, 2010 at the Essence of Eve Day/Med Spa in McKinney, TX essenceofevespa.com!  There was an almost palpable excitement in the air as attendees picked up the book, thumbed through its pages and waited for a chance to visit with Mark. 

Mark dedicated 50% of the evening's proceeds to the Journey of Hope Grief Support Center tinyurl.com/n9xdjk ~ a non-profit organizaton that provides free group grief support for children, adolescents and their parents or adult caregivers as they learn to mourn the death or impending death of a loved one.

The original first edition found its way into the hands of over forty thousand people! Critically acclaimed for its warmth and down-to-earth guidance, Awaken to Good Mourning has been referenced and quoted in scholarly articles and graduate level counseling textbooks; given by life insurance companies and funeral homes as a gift to client families; shared with friends and loved ones in the aftermath of death losses; and cherished by those who have received it!

The Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning is creating a buzz of excitement with folks in the US, Canada, Australia and the UK!  Readers are clamoring for a chance to get the book as soon as possible so that they can give it to friends, family members and others they know who have been touched by the death of a loved one.

Give the Gift of Healing

Announcement - Special Bonus Offer With Your Purchase!

Awaken Associates and The P3 Press are proud to share the Second Print Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning! This new Second Edition has been revised and updated ~ and contains 80 pages of new information not found in the first edition!

We would like to extend a special bonus to you, our friends through the end of April 2010!  Until  that date, you may purchase the Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning which also includes a free bonus of the audio version of the First Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning ~ a two-cd set highlighted by the Brooks & Dunn song, Believe as the final track of the second cd.  This is a perfect time to give the gift of healing to a bereaved friend or family member!

Simply visit Awaken Associates and click on the "Purchase Now" button and your copy of the Second Edition of Awaken to Good Mourning along with the Bonus CD set will be shipped to you immediately!

About Awaken Associates

Change-whether imposed, as a result of natural life progressions or self-initiated-presents challenges that require action!

The mission of Awaken Associates is to equip individuals and groups with the practical tools necessary to proactively embrace the challenges of life - empowering them to create meaning in the process!

Despite the difficulties inherent in our Journey, Life CAN Be Good because People DO Create Good Lives! Invite Awaken Associates along as a valuable companion on YOUR journey!

Learn how to access the power of values; the synergy of interdependence; and the strength of resiliency in the process!

Awaken Associates

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About Essence of Eve Day & Med Spa

The following quote comes from a letter received by Darla Reed Joseph, owner of Essence of Eve Day & Med Spa.  It captures the essence of this wonderful healing place.

"Find places of healing. Then go there often. They are yours for the asking, yours for the seeking. Healing places are an important part of the journey, a peaceful place, one of nourishment, replenishment, peace, safety, comfort, and joy. It's a place of love and acceptance. It is a place of forgiveness, honesty, openness, nurturing and kindness. You will recognize it instantly because of how it feels. It will bring you back to center. It will bring you back to calm. It will bring you back to joy."

Essence of Eve Spa

 About The P3 Press

Let an A-list team of credentialed professionals guide you every step of the way as you go from being an aspiring writer to a published author.
 
With over 100 years of experience in the industry, the experts at The P3 Press provide authors with unparalleled one-on-one support as they move through the publishing cycle.  

• In-house editors work with you to buff, shine and massage your manuscript into a polished work.

• Award-winning graphic designers create custom, eye-catching covers as well as inviting interiors to your specifications.

• Experienced book manufacturers print and bind your book with the utmost professionalism.

• Our Webmaster creates, posts and hosts your own author website with full e-commerce capability and a direct link to your readers.

  All of this while a dedicated P3 project manager personally watches over and guides your publishing experience.

The P3 Press

On Second Thought

Thoughts and Healthy Living

 “On second thought” – now there’s a phrase to catch one’s attention!  It announces that you have determined to give pause and think about what you just said.  Further, it indicates that a new statement is forthcoming – perhaps one that carries the weight of a bit more contemplation.  So often, we speak from the flow of thought without examining the power behind our thinking, thus without fully understanding the potential power of our words. 

 Words possess the potential to lift up or bring down; to tear apart or bind together; to bring enlightenment or create darkness; to hurt or help; to nurture health or choke out life.  Words are indeed powerful; yet the real power lies in the thinking behind the words!

 The wisdom literature of Psalms 23:7 states, “For as a man thinks in his heart, so he is.”  Now if these words were true, by the time I was 18, I would have become a girl!  The awesome power of thoughts, right?  Seriously, the intent of this counsel is obvious!  Our thinking determines the path of our existence.  Our health or lack thereof issues from our thinking!

 The Allure of “Stinkin Thinkin!”

 In counseling circles, we often refer to negative thought processes as “stinkin thinkin!”  We have all fallen victim to “stinkin thinkin” from time to time – it’s almost impossible to escape.  The tragedy lies not in occasionally falling into its trap; the real tragedy exists when “stinkin thinkin” takes complete control of our words and actions! 

 Let’s face it; life today does everything in its power to force us to focus on the negative and hurtful.  We are inundated with reasons for defeatist attitudes and outlooks!  In order to combat the mental, emotional and spiritual onslaught, we must purposefully take steps to counter the effects of “stinkin thinkin!” 

 What’s a Person to Do?  Seven Steps to Healthier Thinking

 The human mind is a wonderful thing!  We possess the ability to reason, reflect and re-direct our thought processes!  We possess the power of choice!  In order to replace “stinkin thinkin” with thoughts that nurture healthy living, I want to offer the following guidelines as beginning points.

 ·         Pause before you speak or act.  Take a deep breath and allow yourself time to formulate exactly what you intend to say or do keeping in mind that healthy outcomes are the intent.

·         Check your self-talk.  What are you saying to yourself?  Are your words negative and destructive or are they supportive and positive?

·         Reflect on the influence of your self-talk.  Historically, what attitudes, actions perceptions and beliefs have come as a result of your self-talk?  How satisfied are you with those results?

·         Visualize what you really want to do, be or accomplish.  How do those visualizations differ from where you are at this moment?

·         Create affirmations consistent with your visualizations.  Remember that “as we think is our heart, so we are!”  Change your self-talk with simple, positive and powerful statements that can be written down, read regularly and committed to memory.

·         Access resources that support your efforts to change your thinking.  Read books that address positive change.  Listen to tapes or cds that outline practical steps to positive living.  Attend seminars.  Engage the services of a professional counselor of life coach.  Find yourself a mentor.  Appropriate support is key to creating healthy thinking!

·         Commit to consistency.  The Law of the Harvest states:  You harvest what you plant!  You harvest more than you plant!  You harvest later than you plant!  Change that lasts will not come over night!  It will take time; however, as with any garden, a commitment to consistently planting and tending to the seeds, guarantees a harvest that exceeds the initial investment.

 On Second Thought

 I am hopeful that today as you read this article, you will allow yourself to entertain “second thoughts!”  I am hopeful that you will allow yourself to feel the power of your thoughts and begin to believe in the possibility of creating a healthier life as a result!  I am convinced that choosing to change our thinking will result in experiences beyond our expectations!  I think . . . no . . . On Second Thought . . . I KNOW this to be true!

 Until next time . . . Peace . . . and . . . Second Thoughts!

Mark

Copyright Mark E. Hundley 2010

Just One Thing!

Author’s Note ~

This essay was originally posted on January 2, 2009.  After considering what to write this last week of 2009, I decided to re-post this essay with only minor updates.  It seemed to me that re-visiting the information contained in this essay might help us to address the tasks ahead of us in 2010 with a bit more focus.  That being the case, I trust that you will find the information I share today to be useful as you prepare for the upcoming new year and new decade!

Happy New Year!

Whew!  The New Year is finally here!  So many have written so much about just getting through 2009 in hopes of turning things around in 2010!  Let's face it, 2009 was a real booger bear of a year on all fronts!  I don't know of a person on the planet that was not affected in some way by the multiple "mean times" experienced over the last twelve months!  Perhaps the New Year will bring with it winds that will blow a different way for us all.

But . . . wait a minute!  Who am I kidding?  Doesn't EVERY year carry the same possibilities -- the same opportunities -- the same potential?  Are we likely to go through an entire year that is completely happy in the sense that we tend to think of happiness?  Doesn't every year hold surprises for us -- surprises both difficult and exciting at the same time?  Doesn't every year await our action?  In that light, "Happy New Year" becomes a greeting exchanged as the calendar marks the turning of yet another 365 days (unless of course we are in a Leap Year)!  "Happy New Year" often scurries down its "hidey hole" at its first encounter with reality only to reappear at the next changing of the Time Guard.

I'm really not being negative here -- truly!  I would just like to alter our wishes for a Happy New Year into determinations more useful and lasting.  Care to join me?

The Proverbial New Year's Resolutions

Right off the bat, New Year's Resolutions hit us in the face!  I used to make them; however, I have determined that making simple resolutions becomes a rather futile attempt to exert control over the yet to be determined outcome of a year in waiting!

I challenge you to do a little Googling on New Year's Resolutions!  You'll find all sorts of stats to indicate the almost inherent uselessness of such endeavors!  In all fairness, there are some who find ways to positively spin resolutions -- but the vast majority of articles and blogs point to the ultimate failure of resolutions.

Well, if resolutions are not the answer, then what is?  Glad you asked (even if you didn't)!

Let's Move to Goal-Setting

Now you're talking!  Setting goals!  That's the ticket -- well, that's a better ticket than merely spouting off resolutions!

At least when we set goals, we actually are forced to examine what we want to accomplish, in what time-frame, for what purposes, in what manner, etc.  We are even forced to establish contingency plans in some instances in case our original goals become victim to life's sidetracking!  Goal-setting holds some rather convincing advantages over making resolutions that often have no teeth whatsoever.

Research points to the likelihood of more success when one sets a goal and actually writes that goal down on paper!  Go ahead, set some goals for the New Year!  Spend time pouring over the areas of your life that demand attention and change!  Read and research all you can about effective goal-setting and then purpose to follow the advice you glean from your activities.  I have no doubt that you will experience more success in your life than if you didn't.

As much as goal-setting ramps up the possibilities for success, I am still not convinced we have found the strategy that holds the power to make 2010 truly different from any we have experienced.  "OK, Baldy -- what do YOU think can help us?"  I guess you know I'm gonna answer that one, don't you?  Here goes!

Just ONE THING!

I don't know about you, but sometimes when I participate in goal-setting activities, I get lost in the goal itself.  You know what I mean -- crafting the perfect goal or goals as the case may be!  I detail all the steps; lay out all the contingencies; establish all the parameters; determine all the intended outcomes.  Then I go about the business of getting lost in the details.  I know, I know -- many of you already have ready answers to my faulty goal-setting system just chomping at the bits to be shared.  Well, let's hold on just a minute.  I have an idea that I think addresses MY issues -- and perhaps yours as well -- as they relate to accomplishing what I desire to accomplish in this New Year.

I call my plan ONE THING!  Simple enough don't you think?  ONE THING -- just ONE!  I recently posed a question on Twitter related to what one thing a person might focus on in order to accomplish a specific purpose and received some rather interesting feedback in the process.  Most of it focused on establishing goals rather than resolutions -- an exercise I've already briefly addressed.  Other responders wondered what they could do if they had MORE THAN ONE THING to address in their lives.

I realized that my ONE THING plan needed to be explained a little better.  Often as I struggle with life, I find myself reducing my tasks to the lowest common denominator in order to determine the steps necessary to successfully address my personal challenges.  Through the years, I have found that asking people to focus on just one thing for a specific period of time often provides keys for them to get a handle on their situation and feel more confident in their ability to find answers.

Here is how the ONE THING plan works.  Ask yourself, "What is one thing I can do consistently over the next (you fill in the time period) that will likely create the kind of change I wish to achieve?"  You see?  ONE THING!  It's just that simple -- but if you look under the surface, the simplicity is deceiving.

Take, for example, a student struggling with grades in school.  I would ask that student to determine "one thing" he would be willing to do over a set period of time on a daily basis that might help him earn stronger grades.  For a business person, I would ask her to determine "one thing" she would be willing to devote action to over a set period of time on a daily basis in order to get a handle on a specific business challenge facing her.  For a married couple, I would ask them to come up with "one thing" they would be willing to do together over a set period of time on a daily basis in order to strengthen their relationship.

Get the picture?  That "one thing"becomes the touch point -- the driving force -- the baseline for all other actions taken.  Now in all fairness, I understand that we have multiple arenas that demand our attention.  I am not necessarily saying that "just one thing" will impact multiple areas at once(although I believe there is extreme merit in this possibility).  I am saying however, that focusing our attention on just one thing can teach us the power of concentration -- a lesson that can then be applied to other areas of life as well.

Perhaps you desire to apply this plan to your the mental, physical, emotional, social, spiritual, relational, professional or personal areas of your life!  Go ahead!  Knock yourself out!  But remember, concentrate on just one thing in each area -- not several things in each area!

How Might This Work?

In order to provide groundwork for your experiment with the ONE THING plan, let's look at an example.  Suppose I determine that I want to lose ten pounds.  Instead of proclaiming it as a resolution or working out a detailed goal, what if I simply determined to write down everything I eat on a daily basis and do so for a month?  That one action -- employed consistently each day -- will provide valuable information about what I need to do next in my process.  I will have hard data from which to determine my next ONE THING to do in order to lose ten pounds!  See how this might work?

The Formula

I would like to outline the basic formula for the ONE THING plan so that we can get started today!

1. Determine which area (or areas if you are adventurous) you want to address first.  Will you choose the personal, professional, mental, spiritual, emotional, social or relational area?  The really cool thing is that YOU get to choose!
2. Once you have selected the area of your life on which you wish to concentrate, spend some time going over action options you have available to you in addressing your chosen area.
3. Decide which action step to which you will commit on a daily basis and for how long you will engage in the determined action.
4. Write down your intended outcome -- what you anticipate you will accomplish at the end of the time-frame.
5. Be ready to congratulate yourself for what will happen as a result of your investment!

Now I am the first to recognize that some of us may stumble a time or two in the process.  In light of that possibility, be ready to forgive yourself and get back on the wagon immediately!  No problem!

Final Thoughts

Hey!  If making resolutions works for you, SUPER!  Go ahead and make 'em until the cows come home!  If you prefer setting goals and have a sure-fire system in place, by all means continue on with your tried and true plan!  However, if you are interested in giving a different plan a chance to work its magic, then simply determine to apply the principles of the ONE THING plan and see what happens!

I would love to hear from those of you who take up this challenge.  Help me fine-tune this plan so that others can benefit from your experience!  Thanks in advance for your assistance!

Until next time . . . Peace . . . and Success!

Mark

Copyright 2009 Mark E. Hundley

 

Five Steps to a Meaningful Holiday Season

Here We Go Again!

Yes, we find ourselves in the midst of yet another Holiday Season ~ complete with all the reminders (as if we needed any) that the Season should be filled with joy, laughter, gifts, family, friends, gifts, parties, lights, gifts, food, festivities and . . . did I mention, GIFTS?  Yes we are in the thick of things right now ~ have been for quite a while come to think of it!  It seems that November 1 ushered in all the Holiday commercials on tv, swiftly swept off the shelves all the Halloween trappings, filled the aisles of stores with all manner of gadgets and decorations and focused our attention on the anticipated spending of the upcoming Season.  Ah, Holidays in America!  There is a part of me that longs for a Holiday I've never had ~ one that is simple, pure and unadulterated.

As much as I might like for the Holiday Machine to grasp the bigger picture and help create a focus that invites more meaningful connections, I'm afraid that the Jingle Bell Juggernaut is rather myopic and incapable of such a change.  What's a person to do?  Well, I'm glad you asked because I've been thinking about that very question and have a few suggestions to share.

Read Mine, Add Your Own!

Recently, I found myself as a guest on a radio show addressing ways to deal with Holiday stress and grief.  In an effort to provide some perspective to a time of year that can create great distress, I came up with Five Steps to a Meaningful Holiday Season.  I encourage you to read mine and then add your own if you wish.  Here they are!

1. Slow Down ~ All too often we find ourselves swept up in the tyranny of frenetic activity without real purpose.  My encouragement here is to slow down.  Take time to just "Be" rather than "Do!"  After all, aren't we known as Human Beings?  I fear that sometimes we engage in activity simply because of outside expectations, thus becoming Human Doings!  Slowing down is a conscious choice ~ a choice to make the time necessary to feel, share with others and when necessary seek appropriate support.  We can never run away from our struggles or issues.  They are along for the ride or wait patiently for us at the end of our running.  I find that slowing down actually allows me time to face myself and realize that I am not alone and that I have the capacity to enjoy the moment without filling it with unnecessary, oft times meaningless activity.  My all-time favorite C.S. Lewis quote comes to mind here: "The Present is the Point at which Time touches Eternity."  Slowing Down may actually allow us to fill our present moments with eternally significant actions.
2. Retreat ~ What I mean here is that we need to make time for reflection, remembering and renewal.  Great power awaits us if we will spend some time looking backward before moving ahead with our lives.  The Holiday Season is a perfect time to pause for such retreat.  Often, we must learn to step back a bit in order to move forward more effectively with purpose and passion.  Retreating can open the door for us to determine the Rituals of Meaning in our lives that we wish to continue and/or create that incorporate components of our past, present and anticipated future.  I challenge you to sit down with a cup of hot chocolate, a pen, a pad and your thoughts.  Retreat ~ step away from where you are to times where you have been ~ reflect, recall and renew.  You'll be glad you did.
3. Plan With Flexibility ~ One thing is a given during the Holiday Season - not everything will go as planned!  Count on it!  You know what I mean!  Can you actually remember a year when EVERYTHING went according to plan?  I encourage you to anticipate and prepare for the unexpected.  Work at not being surprised when all is not "perfect" or something goes "wrong."  Often the best gifts are those experiences that come from out of the blue!  Work at embracing the unexpected.  Be open to different activities or locations for your celebrations.  Invite serendipity to your home this year.  You just might be amazed!
4. Take Care of Yourself ~ Often when the Holidays arrive, we give ourselves permission to either partially or wholly abandon common sense when it comes to our health - both physical and emotional.  I encourage you to approach this Holiday Season with your head squarely on your shoulders.  Eat wisely, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, exercise (even a short walk can be helpful) and above all, maintain established medical routines.  Do you find yourself engaging in activities with which you are uncomfortable or that create anxiety or distress?  It is likely that an exercise in setting boundaries is necessary.  Determine before your gatherings what you will and/or won't do.  The activities with which you are comfortable and those with which you are not.  Taking care of yourself creates opportunities for you to be more yourself and more present for what is important.
5. Simplify ~ You know what I mean!  What's the point of going overboard with the gift-giving?  What do we get out of going deeper into debt to shower others with things that may or may not survive the next six months or may find their way into the "re-gifting pile" for next year?  Perhaps it is time to scale back a bit.  Focus more on relationships.  Aim for moderation in our gift-giving.  Re-think our gift-giving strategies and give with meaning thinking of the person who is the recipient.  Why not look for ways to support favorite charities during this Season?  God knows there are charities out there that do wonderful work year round that could use a shot in the arm.  (I have a bit more to say about this shortly)

I'm hopeful that you have found encouragement to approach the Holiday Season in ways that create comfort and joy rather than perpetuate that which often causes distress.  I am hopeful that you will step up to the challenge to make this Holiday Season Meaningful!

An Idea For You

Give One, Ask Ten!

A Little Math

Anyone who knows me knows that the math I use must indeed be “little” in order for it to make sense to me!  That being the case I want to share a little multiplication with you.  As you know, I am committed to raising One Million Dollars for the Journey of Hope Grief Support Center, One Dollar at a Time, One Person at a Time!  What does that really look like?  Follow me here:

If 100 people would donate just one dollar a person to the Journey of Hope, that would be $100! Simple enough, right?  Well, what if each of those 100 people asked just ten of their friends to do the same – donate just one dollar? That would be an additional $1,000!  Wow! $100 just grew to $1100 in a jiffy!  Let’s keep going!  What if those new 1000 people each asked just ten of THEIR friends to donate a dollar a person and they did?  That would create an additional $10,000 bringing the grand total to $11,100!  Pretty cool, huh?  OK, let’s continue.  Suppose those new 10,000 folks each asked just ten of THEIR friends to donate just one dollar and they did?  The total number of folks involved would be an additional 100,000 people and an additional $100,000 for a total of $111,100.  Hmmmm!  This is getting interesting!

Now suppose that those 100,000 new donors each asked just ten of their friends to donate just one dollar and they did. At that point, the total number of new participants would be ONE MILLION!  And the total amount donated would be ONE MILLION DOLLARS added to the $111,100 already given!  The goal would have been exceeded!  All of this accomplished in just five generations of people! We could raise $1Million in a relative heartbeat! Amazing!

All it takes is for one hundred people to commit to giving one dollar a piece and asking ten of their friends to duplicate the process of giving one and asking ten!  Think about it won’t you?

In order to donate directly to the One in a Million campaign, please visit the following Journey of Hope website and click on the “One in a Million” fund raiser link.  Fill in “Give One, Ask Ten” in the “Donation for Special Occasion” space.  http://tinyurl.com/n9xdjk 

The fun part of this exercise is that you can do the same for YOUR favorite charity!  Employ the power of the dollar!  Expand the reach of your influence!  Embrace the joy of giving! 

Thank you for being you!

Until next time . . . Peace!

Mark

Copyright Mark E. Hundley 2009