Living in the Meantimes

Experiment In Thanksgiving ~ 2009!

Holiday Season

This week ushers in the official Holiday Season, as far as I'm concerned.  I know that if you were like I was this year, I was astonished to find that the local Walgreen's began filling its shelves with Christmas merchandise around Halloween!  Talk about confusing!

I am old enough to remember a time when the various Holiday seasons not only enjoyed but seemed restricted to making their respective appearances on the American scene on clearly designated dates.  Not so anymore! 

One can routinely walk into a store today and find ghosts, witches, pumpkins (a truly crossover symbol for both Halloween and Thanksgiving), cornucopia, Santa Clauses, snowmen, dreidles, Menorah, etc. all crowded on the same shelves vying for top billing!  It's enough to make one pull his hair out!  Oh, wait!  I don't have any hair!  Regardless, this overlapping of seasons creates a kind of Holiday schizophrenia!

 It's in the Air!

As I awoke early this morning, I began thinking about what I would write next.  Obviously, the subject of Thanksgiving took a glaringly prominent position as first on the list of possibilities.  As I perused my copy of the Sunday paper and sipped my coffee, I realized that others had the same idea.  Since this is officially "Thanksgiving Week" the paper was filled with stories and articles highlighting various perspectives of giving thanks or finding ways to reach out to the less fortunate.  With the state of the economy, these articles and stories tended to take on a more serious note than in the past.

Time for an Experiment

I wanted to write something that might cause each one of us to act on our sentiments of gratitude in ways that could solidify or create potentially lasting connections with people in our lives -- thus my "Experiment in Thanks-Giving!"

These are my thoughts.  We all have people in our lives that play roles often overlooked or minimized in their importance to our well-being or ability to carry out our routines.  So very often when we gather with family for Holiday celebrations and festivities we do so with a sense of tradition and focus on those closest to us -- our families.  I know and understand that there are exceptions to this general description; however, I speak of the majority of Americans here. 

I wonder what might happen if we were to sit down today and begin making a list of people outside the circle of family -- a list that included those whose lives touch ours each day -- whose influence and contributions to our lives often go unnoticed or overlooked?  Who might appear on such a list?  Close friends - certainly!  Co-workers or clients?  Those who coach or teach our children?  The school counselor?  The principal?  Our family physician?  The person who knows our name at the drugstore or local Starbucks?  Our dry cleaner?  The guy who routinely changes our oil?  Do you get my drift?  There could literally be hundreds of people who might comprise such a list!

In August 2008, I joined the social networking phenomenon called "Twitter" and in the months since joining, have been blown away by the deeply meaningful relationships that have blessed my life as a result!  I can easily count dozens of new people I now cherish beyond words – people who have and continue to make a difference in my life! Those folks have made my list.  By the way, I have already worked on my list some today in preparation for this essay.

The second part of the experiment asks us to consider doing something about those on our list.  It requires that we find a way to express "Thanks" to them for their contributions to our lives.  Silly? Perhaps!  Risky?  That too!  When we venture to express thanks to people not routinely on our "Thanks" list, we sometimes run the risk of looking silly or appearing "strange." So be it!

The Challenge

My challenge for this week is three-fold:

1. First, I challenge you to make a list like the one described above.  Include people who touch your life in ways that make a difference -- even if it is a small difference.  Be as inclusive and complete as you possibly can.
2. Second, determine to find a way to express your personal gratitude for the contribution those on your list make in your life.  This can be accomplished via a personal word, a handshake with a word, a card, an email, a letter, a phone call, a "Tweet" (for those of you who know what that means), a virtual gift through FaceBook -- the possibilities are almost endless!
3. Third, actually follow through on your intentions.  It's a little like the concept of "Paying it Forward" except this is an experiment in "Thanks-Giving" -- giving thanks to the people in our lives without whose support we might find ourselves lacking in some way.

Many of you will be hearing from me in one form or another this week.  Why?  Because you made my list and I am following through on my own challenge!

Won't you join me in this experiment?  Won't you join me is spreading a little gratitude around?  At a time when we need to feel better about our lives, what could giving a little thanks hurt?  My guess it might actually begin turning things around!

Until next time . . . THANKS . . . and . . . Peace!

Mark

Copyright 2009 Mark E. Hundley

 

Revisiting "Scary Spiritual"

I posted this essay a year ago.  As I reflected on what I might write today, I decided to re-post this one.  It contains some Cowboy Wisdom you might find entertaining and challenging.  Enjoy again . . . or for the very first time!

Oxymoron?  Perhaps; however there is powerful mojo just waiting to reveal itself for the exploration!

Halloween is here and regardless of your beliefs or feelings about this holiday, it carries some major weight in all we do each year -- spending, planning, celebrating, contemplating!  On the lighter side, it is a time when we as adults can allow our inner child out to play and temporarily escape the routine and mundane of our lives!  On the darker side, it can also be a time when thoughts, feelings and actions become seemingly possessed by dread, fear and anger!  Both of which, by the way, tend to "mask" our true struggles with life.  As we seek to create meaningful existence -- to leave our mark on this world -- despair and hope battle to dominate our lives!  What are we to do?

I have shared with you the Four Givens in life -- those areas over which we have little or no control -- Life is a Struggle, Lives Are Shattered, Life Goes On and Relationships Do Continue!  We have explored the necessity of spending appropriate amounts of time in each area in order to acknowledge the realities of "mean times" when they enter our lives as well as establish a realistic perspective about what lies ahead of us in the "meantimes" -- the times between the initiating event and the continuation of life with a "new normal."  We do this in order to create structure for the transitions that await us.

We have also explored the power of Possibility Living when we looked at the Two CAN DOs -- which are Life CAN Be Good and People DO Create Good Lives!  These two areas focus our attention on dreaming or "blueprinting" what our good life will look like and then the actual steps taken to construct that good life we desire.

Now comes the Scary part -- finding the support necessary to work persistently and consistently toward those goals!  The first of the Three Support Systems necessary for successful completion of our tasks is that we must learn to take all of our dreams and action steps for the creation of our good life and filter them through our Belief and/or Value System.  In other words, we must tap into that which is above us -- that which is bigger and stronger and more far-reaching than we!  We must tap into our Spiritual Core! 

One reason that this endeavor can be scary is that many of us are not clear about what makes up our personal Spiritual Core.  We have never really taken the time to study or contemplate the definition of "spiritual" much less entertain how that definition might affect what we dream or do.

A second reason for the scary nature of this endeavor is that we might, in our process of exploration, discover that our Spiritual Core is merely in place by default.  In other words, we might discover that our beliefs and values are in place primarily and perhaps ONLY because we were "raised with them!"  Now this is not saying that the beliefs and values with which we were raised are defective.  It is simply bringing to light that we may have embraced blindly without examination.  There is always potential danger is such action.

A third reason for the scary is that we may determine that our Spiritual Core must be reworked in order to create dreams and follow plans that truly free us to be all we are meant to be!  We might possibly be branded a renegade; a "turncoat;" an iconoclast; a "flip-flopper;" or even worse -- "Nuts!"  More often than not, a complete overhaul of our Spiritual Core is unnecessary -- we may simply need a "tune-up" or an adjustment here and there or a sharpening of our focus.

Regardless, when we begin to explore that which provides meaning and purpose in life -- that which takes us outside ourselves into a realm that forces us to see the world in broader scope -- the fear of the unknown can become a barrier to complete fulfillment in life.

The December 2008 edition of Cowboys and Indians Magazine contains a fascinating article -- second in a series about cowboys who made the West what it was and is -- that caused me to reflect on my own personal beliefs and values anew.  Gene Autry lived 90+ years leaving behind multiple legacies of profound importance that will be felt for generations to come.  This particular article outlined Gene Autry's "Cowboy Code," or "Cowboy Commandments."  Read on and indulge in the simple yet profound wisdom of his words.

1. The cowboy must never shoot first, hit a smaller man or take unfair advantage.
2. He must never go back on his word or a trust confided in him.
3. He must always tell the truth.
4. He must be gentle with children, the elderly and animals.
5. He must not advocate or possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas.
6. He must help people in distress.
7. He must be a good worker.
8. He must keep himself clear in thought, speech, action and personal habits.
9. He must respect women, parents and his nation's laws.
10. The cowboy is a patriot.

Gene Autry wrote these in response to young radio listeners who aspired to be like him!  Amazing, isn't it?

I wonder what might happen if we were to follow this particular set of beliefs or values and apply them to all of our endeavors?  How might our politics be affected?  Our business dealings?  Our friendships?  Our disagreements?  What might happen to our marriages or relationships with partners or significant others?  In what ways would our dreams for a good life be altered or enhanced?  How might our action steps be influenced? 

What are your beliefs and values -- truly?  Have you ever really sat down and written them out?  Do you know what you believe/value and for what purposes?  How often have you taken inventory of the components that make up this crucial life filter?  How "in line" are your dreams and plans with your beliefs and values?  When is the last time you really tapped your Spiritual Core for a progress report?

Perhaps now is the best time to stop all the busyness of living and take stock of our Spiritual Core.  I challenge each of us to filter our dreams, plans and action steps for successful living through our personal beliefs and values! Scary?  Perhaps!  Scary Spiritual indeed!

Until next time . . . Peace!

Mark

Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley

 

On the Wings of Faith

A Purposeful Absence

I have been away from the keyboard for a while now -- purposely I might add.  I have been engaged in other writing projects that required more of my time and attention.  As I reflected last evening about what to write, I drew a complete blank.  I was somewhat fearful that I might have encountered that proverbial nemesis of writers -- writer's block.  Never one to give in completely to foundless fears, I simply told myself before drifting off to sleep, "Don't worry, you'll think of something in the morning!"

This practice has worked in the past and as anticipated, did so again.  While drinking my morning coffee, I was drawn to the file cabinet.  As I rifled through random files, I came across one labeled, Parable of the Twins.  I had not read that parable in quite some time so I opened it and to my surprise, discovered the topic for this essay.

A Memorial for My Mentor and Friend

Dr. Byron Medler, Professor of Counseling at the University of North Texas, my mentor, my colleague and my friend, journeyed from this life to the next almost twelve years ago.  I find myself in near disbelief that so much time has passed!  Twelve years!

The reason I mention Bryon is because of what I found in that file.  Instead of just the printed story of the Parable of the Twins, I discovered the transcript of Byron's memorial service -- a service at which I officiated.  You see, in another life (many years ago) I was a minister.  Based on that history, I was honored to be invited to lead the service.  It is a day I will never forget!  As I read through my notes from that day in May 1997, I knew what I must write THIS day.

What follows is as close to word-for-word of that message as I am able to re-create.  Many of the words are not my own, but taken from writings that may be familiar to many of you who read this.  On this Good Friday 2009, I share with you a glimpse of Faith that I believe can find relevance for anyone -- regardless of your Spiritual inclination.  Much of what I write here has a Christian influence at its core, yet it is not an attempt to persuade anyone to abandon one faith and embrace another.  On the contrary, I am hopeful that each reader will explore your own personal belief system and tap into the power of renewal, hope and purpose that your faith provides.

As you read this memorial, please reflect on the power of faith in the face of uncertainty. 

On the Wings of Faith

We are here today to honor the life of a dear friend -- Dr. Byron Medler.  Byron has touched the lives of each person present here today; yet we are merely representative of the vast numbers of people influenced by this precious man during his all too short life on earth.  This influence will live on in perpetuity as each of us shares his words of wisdom with clients, friends and family -- words that are alive with purpose and meaning.

I can honestly say that Byron was one of the most "real" people I've ever known and perhaps ever will know!  We often shared our mutual love of children's stories -- stories written for children laced with wisdom for living life more completely.  One of those we each loved was Margery Williams' story The Velveteen Rabbit.  Please allow me to share a favorite passage from this beautiful story -- a passage that describes the type of person Byron was.   

What is Real?

"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others!  He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces.  He was wise for he had seen a long line of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away.  He knew that they were only toys and would never turn in to anything else.  For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced, like the Skin Horse, understand all bout it!"

"What is REAL," asked the Rabbit one day when they were lying side-by-side.  "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"REAL isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.  "It's a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time -- not just to play with -- but really LOVES you, then you become REAL!'

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.  "When you are REAL, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse.  "You become.  It takes a long time.  That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get lose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are REAL you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Byron Medler was REAL to the core!  The question here today is "How does one come to be REAL in this manner?"  The answer to this question?  FAITH!  Now I know that there are likely as many definitions of Faith as there are people in this room; however, for our purposes today, I want to address Faith as a two-sided coin -- where one without the other has no real value.

On the one side, Faith allows us Access to the Eternal Light!  It punches a hole in the veil of uncertainty, struggle and confusion that surrounds our finite existence and connects us with the Infinite Power of the Creator.  Faith enables us to carry this light from God throughout our daily existence as we learn to be real people, living in a real world, facing real tests and emerging with real wisdom and insight as a result of the journey.

Yet, each of us is troubled from one time to another with questions about what happens after we depart this world.  We seek answers.  The Scripture says that "He is; And He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him."  So let us ask!

How does Faith in God address this question?  Allow me to share with you a brief story entitled: The Parable of the Twins.

Once upon a time, twin boys were conceived in the same womb.  Weeks passed and the twins developed.  As their awareness grew, they laughed for joy: "Isn't it great that we were conceived?  Isn't if great to be alive?!"

Together the twins explored their world.  When they found their mother's cord that gave them life, they sang for joy:  "How great is our mother's love that she shares her own life with us!"

As weeks stretched into months, the twins noticed how much each was changing.  "What does it mean?" asked the one. 

"It means that our stay in this world in drawing to an end," said the other. 

"But I don't want to go," said the one.  "I want to stay here always."

"We have no choice," said the other.  "But maybe there is life after Birth!" 

"But how can there be?" responded the one.  "We will shed our life cord and how is life possible without it?  Besides, we have seen evidence that others were here before us, and none of them have returned to tell us that there is life after birth.  No, this is the end!"

And so the one fell into a deep despair, saying: "If conception ends in birth, what is the purpose of life in the womb?  It is meaningless!  Maybe there is no mother after all?"

"But there has to be," protested the other.  "How else did we get here?"  How do we remain alive?"

"Have you ever seen our mother?" said the one.  "Maybe she lives only in our minds.  Maybe we made her up, because the idea made us feel good?"

And so the last days in the womb were filled with deep questioning and fear.  Finally, the moment of birth arrived.

When the twins had passed from their world, they opened their eyes.  They cried!  For what they saw exceeded their fondest dreams!

1 Corinthians 2:9 says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him."

This side of Faith allows us to believe in that which cannot be seen -- to tap into the hope there is more to life than that which in tangible.  It is the assurance that promises given are promises kept.  It is the assurance that we cannot truly lose something if we know where it is!  This side of Faith helps us look beyond the natural to the supernatural.  It helps us create purpose and meaning in the temporal as we tap into the eternal. 

The other side of this Faith coin is that True Faith permits, encourages and teaches us to mourn our losses.  True Faith does not deny or minimize the effects of loss.

1 Thessalonians teaches us to mourn with hope.  In the Beatitudes, Jesus tells us that those who mourn are blessed.  2 Corinthians 1:3-9 details God's Cycle of Comfort that empowers us to comfort others with the same comfort we ourselves have received through the process of embracing our struggles and pain.  Jesus even expressed his human capacity to mourn over the death of his dear friend, Lazarus.

This side of Faith provides us with the strength and guidance to learn to Reconcile ourselves to life's many losses and Integrate them into the fabric of our lives.  Grief is a natural process following loss.  It is what we feel and experience.  Mourning, on the other hand, is grief gone public.  It is what we do with what we feel to externalize these feelings and experiences and create meaning, purpose and connection in our lives.

This double-sided coin of Faith about which I speak, makes it possible to join the infinite with the finite; the spiritual with the natural; the immortal with the mortal.

In this moment, we pause to absorb the power of that kind of Faith.  C.S. Lewis wrote in the Screwtape Letters, "The present is the point at which time touches eternity."

Byron Medler -- our friend, our colleague, our mentor, precious father, grandfather and sibling to those of his family -- experienced this type of Faith.  He demonstrated this fact by the way he lived his life; by those he touched; by those he influenced; by those he encouraged and endorsed.  Byron Medler was and is a Real Person!

Heaven is our eternal home, yet we struggle with the process of leaving this temporary place and our physical confines for the other side.  It has been said that we are spiritual beings on a human journey.  This world and our feeble clay dwellings are not our final destination.  Death, for the one who possesses the kind of Faith described here, is merely the extinguishing of the candle because the Dawn has come.

Psalms 116:15 says, "His loved ones are very precious to him and he does not let them die lightly."  I believe that William Shakespeare understood this when he wrote, "Good night sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

We bid farewell for only a short time to one whom we have loved and who loved us.  As we seek to develop this same kind of Faith, we anticipate a reunion on the other side where joy abounds, hope is fulfilled and light is eternal.

Because of this Faith, I can say of Byron, as did the angel say of Jesus on Easter morning, "He is not here.  He is risen!"

A Final Word

I know that this essay is somewhat different than my others.  My hope is that you will spend time exploring your own personal beliefs and seek ways to incorporate them into the fabric of that which you work to create in your own life!  In the Mean Times of life -- this Double-sided coin of Faith is a commodity that cannot be abandoned.  It must be invested!  Invest wisely and broadly!

Until next time . . . Peace . . . and . . . Faith!

Mark

Copyright 2009 Mark E. Hundley

Back from England, Love -- Part 3: Bath

Imagine watching water bubble to the surface of a pool from the depths of a source that guarantees a constant 120 degree temperature.  Now, imagine further that the droplets of water that just burst into the open air began their journey some ten thousand years ago as rain drops -- rain drops that soaked into the soil and progressively filtered through multiple layers of limestone only to find new life at the heat source and become a part of the complex of hot springs offering healing to those fortunate enough to find them.  In a nutshell, that is the story of the springs at Bath in England.

Archaeologists have uncovered evidence that neolithic hunter-gatherer tribes began accessing the restorative properties of the springs in the Bath region some ten thousand years ago.  History reveals how the mystical waters then captivated the Celts, Romans and Christians causing them to establish elaborate structures, rituals and beliefs associated with these hot mineral springs.  The attraction remains today as well!

I have to say that next to our stroll around Stonehenge, visiting Bath was my favorite excursion during our trip to England!  While Stonehenge remains enigmatic and unfathomable, Bath displays its colorful history through a vast array of structures, carvings, engravings and pictures that reveal its importance to the livelihood of human beings.

As I walked through the ruins of the Roman temple erected there, I was intrigued by the stories related to the healing nature of the hot mineral baths.  With my broken shoulder, I have to say that I was tempted to engage in a little experiment to see if the myths held any truth!  Nah!  I didn't dive in -- but I was tempted!  Seriously, the beauty and mystery of Ancient Bath drew me in -- caused me to want to linger longer and absorb the power of the place.  As with any tour, time is a commodity that is parceled out and we had only so long to explore.

After walking through the Temple Museum and excavation site, I sauntered through some of the streets of modern-day Bath and fell in love with the city.  I discovered that the healing and restorative powers of the mineral waters have indeed filtered into and throughout the city itself.  With the exception of Taos and Santa Fe, NM, I don't believe I have ever been in a city that felt as healing or spiritual as Bath! 

The pace was slower -- the people friendlier -- the streets cleaner -- the air more pure -- the atmosphere more inviting than London.  Sitting in one of the open squares near the entrance to the Roman Baths and in the shadow of the truly magnificent Bath Abbey, I observed people leisurely enjoying lunch and engaging in relaxed conversation.  Scattered throughout the city center were groups of entertainers -- magicians; violinists; artists -- all working together to weave a loose-knit harmony that connected the tourists and locals in a common purpose.  That purpose being a colorful human tapestry of community.  People from all walks of life; from all parts of the world shared the healing atmosphere of Bath.  Differences of race, nationality, religion, ideology and philosophy all disappeared. I felt energized by the experience -- and hopeful!  Hopeful that one day our human commonalities will overwhelm our differences so that our world might enjoy the healing that is so needed and necessary.

As we departed Bath and headed back to London, I took some time to reflect on what the "Bath Experience" had stirred in me.  I took some time to listen to our bus driver and tour guide as they shared honestly about their individual struggles living in a world not unlike the one in which I find myself living here in the States.  I asked questions and learned from them.  I shared my perspective on issues we have in common.  I was reminded that all people everywhere on this planet seek meaning, connection, understanding, purpose and healing.

The final hour of the trip back to London was spent in silence -- the kids were sleeping and our bus driver and tour guide had settled into a quiet, contemplative state.

As I sat there, I had a wild thought!  Wouldn't it be wonderful if the healing and restorative powers of the waters of Bath could somehow be spread throughout the water sources of the world?  Can you imagine what might happen if the commonalities of the human experience began to overshadow our differences as a result of the invisible, mystical powers of the water of Bath?  I know that is a crazy thought -- impossible!  But it sure was a fun fantasy ride for a few minutes!

As we all work to make sense of our lives -- to deal as constructively as we can with the mean times we face -- I am convinced that a little dose of healing and restoration each day can do wonders for us and those with whom we interact!  There is likely no magical elixir or mystical spring that holds the key to such healing and restoration of the soul and spirit; however, there is a thread of choice, that if worked, can be used to connect us with others in healing and restorative ways.

One choice we can make each day is the choice to engage in some activity that is both healing and restorative to our own individual soul and spirit.  Listening to music that soothes; reading a favorite poem; meditating on a passage from the wisdom literature associated with our personal belief system; receiving a therapeutic massage; getting a pedicure; reading a good book; taking a stroll in a park; holding hands with a loved one; hugging our children or grandchildren -- and the list could go on. 

I often encourage clients to take a "Sixty-Second Vacation" once every hour they work.  It is very simple.  All you have to do is close the door, put your phone on silent mode, alert your assistant (if you have one) that you are not to be disturbed for sixty seconds and close your eyes.  During this sixty-second vacation focus on breathing deeply from your diaphragm; clearing your mind of all distractions; visualizing yourself in a favorite location that is calming, relaxing and healing; and allowing the healing and restorative powers locked deep inside your spirit to bubble to the surface of your consciousness.  It is amazing how powerful these sixty-second respites can be!

Now it is very unlikely that this practice will solve the world's problems overnight; however, can you imagine the subtle changes that could take place in all of our relationships the more we tap into the inner healing and restorative powers of our spirits?  Can you envision the possibilities of "infecting" those around us with the healing we experience through this practice rather than the tensions we often hand out without meaning to? 

I encourage you to begin taking a few "Sixty-Second Vacations" today and try them for one week.  See how things have changed for you seven days from now!  Who knows?  Maybe healing and restoration will begin to dominate your life and make facing the "mean times" a little easier.

Peace!

Mark

Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley