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Greetings Friends,
New Stories . . . Just Beginning |
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![]() Recently I was contacted by an area high school and asked to make a presentation outlining healthy ways to deal with grief. You see, this particular school has experienced multiple death losses in a very short time period ~ both over the summer months and at the beginning of the new school year. As I listened to the explanation of the sequence of events, I found myself wondering just how far the effects of these losses would reach. In my 20 plus years of working with grieving individuals, families and groups I have been reminded over and again that a single death creates ripples that move through families, groups and communities in ways that often defy prediction. Many times, these ripples continue on for years. Imagine the complexity facing the school and community as they work to embrace the impact of the death of two students in separate accidents, children having to deal with the death of a parent in two separate suicide events and the death of one parent who lost a battle with cancer. It is as if someone has taken several pebbles and cast them into a pond, breaking the still surface and sending overlapping ripples in multiple directions at once. The tasks facing the families, school and community are enormous. The stories are just beginning. The outcomes remain in question. The families and groups affected by these losses will need to take each day as it comes. They must find healthy ways to both embrace the pain of grief and express their grief in acts of mourning that help them heal. To borrow from Dr. Alan Wolfelt, I want to share with you the "Six Reconciliation Needs of Mourners."
Although healthy reconciliation of grief is not guaranteed, if those affected by the deaths mentioned earlier will approach their journeys by paying attention to the needs listed above then they have a better chance to heal.
Perhaps one day we'll hear from one or more of those just beginning their journey. In the meantime, may we keep them in our thoughts and prayers. |
Every Step Has a Story! | |
![]() I can't tell you how many have enthusiastically encouraged me in my 600 mile walking project! Almost without fail, I get a "Wow!" when sharing the details of the event. Then, there are a few who pause, look at me as if I had three eyes and ask, "Now tell me again . . . just WHY are you doing this? And Why NOW of all times?" Let me take each of the questions individually. Why This? ~ Perhaps the best answer for this question is a set of sobering statistics. Often, the simple numbers speak better than any words I can conjure.
Why Now? ~ Perhaps this question is best answered by another question . . . Why NOT now? If we waited for the "perfect time" to address an issue, we might wait an entire lifetime. Remember Yoda? Yes, that wise little munchkin said it best when he stated, "Do or Do Not! There is No Try!" I can "try" all I want to ~ think about, plan, mull it over, dream ~ and never move off center. NOW seems to be the best time to Do something of consequence. There are organizations around the world that dedicate their time, resources and energies to assist and support grieving children. What better time than NOW to help bring their all-important work to light? What better time than NOW to give voice to the stories of children, teens and families who struggle to make sense of the senseless? What better time . . . ? Why You? ~ I learned a long time ago that when a need stares me in the face and I say, "I sure wish someone would do something about that," the next thing that happens is that a tiny little voice responds by asking, "Well what's keeping you from doing something?" I often find myself fumbling with weak excuses as to why I can't only to ultimately surrender and begin the process of figuring out what I can do. You see, it's not right to volunteer someone else to address an issue if I'm not willing to do something myself. I'm only doing what any other able-bodied person can do! The story is not in this 57 year old bald cowboy from Texas walking to Tennessee in one month! No sir! The real stories will come from children, teens, families and communities as they have a chance to share their experiences along the way. That little voice did not ask, "Well what's keeping George from doing something about it?" The voice asked "Well what's keeping YOU from doing something?" Thanks Yoda . . . and thanks Voice . . . I can't wait to see what will happen! |
Every Step Has a Story! | |
![]() In previous communications I have shared that Lyons Entertainment and Black River Media/Films are on board to do the documentary film of this project! In addition, StatGuard Technologies will build and host a website for the walk and team with Sprint to provide 24/7 streaming HD TV quality video of the event. In the process of talking to folks about the project, State Farm Insurance has begun the process of considering underwriting the film and serving as primary sponsor for the walk itself! I am working on contacts with Nike, Coca Cola, Ozarka and others to provide products that will make the walk a bit easier. We are looking for sponsors in other areas as well! If you would like to know more about what we are looking for or have ideas, please feel free to shoot me an email! I'd love to hear from you! |
UNT Alumni Publication | |
![]() Recently, the University of North Texas contacted me to inquire about the second edition of Awaken to Good Mourning. In the process of visiting with them, the conversation focused on the Every Step Has a Story project and well . . . the rest is now history. I would like to invite you to read the wonderful article they wrote entitled, Good Mourning and share it with friends and family. I continue to be amazed at the interest in helping grieving children and teens! |
Mark Hundley
Daryl's Story |
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![]() I will never forget the first time I met Daryl (not his real name) at his home. I had received a call from his father asking if I minded coming to their home to visit with Daryl. I was more than happy to oblige. Daryl was a friendly, energetic, articulate nine year-old boy. At first glance, one would never know that Daryl carried a heavy burden of grief. His winsome smile almost hid the sadness that lurked just under the surface . . . Almost! One look into his eyes revealed the pain and uncertainty that sought dominance in his life. The source of this pain? Daryl's mother had died only one month before our meeting. As I sat down on the sofa across from Daryl and visited with both his father and him, I sensed that Daryl was eager for his father to leave the room . . . eager to tell me something . . . eager to talk about his sadness. This eagerness was consistent with what his father had told me. It seems that Daryl was somewhat reluctant to talk openly about his feelings of sadness with his father and had asked his dad to find someone he could talk to ~ thus the call to me. After a few minutes, Daryl's father excused himself and left the two of us alone in the living room. Almost immediately, Daryl said, "My mom died and I don't understand why! Can you help me understand why she had to die?" Wow! What a tall order! I knew that I did not have the answers to that question ~ I'm not sure anyone does . . . at least in the ways he sought to know. Instead of tackling the insurmountable, I suggested that he tell me about his mom and he did so with passion, excitement and tears. That initial meeting was just the first of several over the next few months. It seems that Daryl's father and mother had divorced two years prior to her death. Daryl lived with her for the first year and a half after the divorce. During that time period, his mother began to experience frequent, excruciating headaches. Every time she experienced one, she was unable to function to the point that eventually she and Daryl's father agreed that Daryl might be better taken care of if he lived with his father. I recall as Daryl shared that part of his story with me that he stopped and his eyes focused on a faraway place and he said, "Mom said it was only a headache . . . only a headache." The weekend she died, Daryl was visiting her in her home in a state contiguous to Texas. She had been feeling better and was confident that the latest treatment for her headaches might be working. At the dinner table on a Saturday night, she suddenly collapsed, complaining of severe head pain. Daryl's grandmother quickly called 911 and the paramedics took her to the hospital. Daryl's dad was notified and he rushed to Daryl's side as quickly as possible. Before midnight that night, Daryl's mother lost her battle to what was diagnosed ONLY after her death as a brain tumor. Daryl was crushed! Although the doctors misdiagnosed her condition, Daryl believed that his mom "knew" she had a brain tumor. He also believed that his mom told him "it was only a headache" to keep him from worrying about her. He said, "She was just that way . . . never wanted me to worry." Daryl found himself struggling to understand the incomprehensible . . . to make sense of the senseless . . . to find meaning in the meaningless. He did so with the support of a loving father, a caring extended family and a community dedicated to lend invaluable comfort. In the few months that Daryl and I worked together, I watched him struggle, cry, laugh, remember, express anger, sit quietly and find a path for his personal journey. Daryl and his father began attending support sessions at the The W.A.R.M. Place in Ft. Worth where they both found comfort and healing in the presence of others who walked similar paths. I'm not sure what happened to Daryl and his father. That is so often the case with counseling; however, I am confident that they found reconciliation of their grief and continue to walk the paths of healing to this day~ Not because of anything I did, but because of their choices to mourn their loss in ways that bring healing. I will always remember Daryl's courage, vulnerability and determination and I will always remember Daryl. I am a better person for having known him. I am hopeful that you can learn from Daryl as well. |
Every Step Has a Story |
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![]() Plans for the Every Step Has a Story project continue with new developments almost daily. I have shared that I feel as if I have stepped on a fast-moving train that began its journey headed for a pre-determined destination and that I am just along for the ride! We have finalized the itinerary for stops along the way. I have worked it out so that I will rest each Sunday of the month of April 2011 and not walk at all on those days. Following is the itinerary by date and stop. If you know anyone in any of these towns/cities, please share this information with them. Perhaps we can connect in some way prior to the walk or as we make a stop. April 2011 ~ Every Step Has a Story Itinerary
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Awaken to Good Mourning |
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![]() We are excited to announce that Awaken to Good Mourning has been added as an ancillary resource text for graduate level counseling students in the UNT Counselor Education Program! The book will serve as a resource for counselors in training during the on campus practicum class ~ a class that requires counselors in training to work with clients under supervision. We continue to find ways to incorporate Awaken to Good Mourning into similar programs in other counselor training programs. If you know of a university counselor training program that might be interested, please let us know! Thanks! |
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McKinney, TX to Nashville, TN~600 Miles/Thirty Days
The First of Many to Come . .
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![]() Between now and April 2011, I will be
sharing stories from folks who have experienced the death of a loved one
where children or adolescents were directly involved or affected. My
intent is to reveal the extent to which children, adolescents and
families are touched by the death of loved ones. Often, the stories will
reveal positive outcomes. At other times, the realities of of life will
find expression in hope unfulfilled. I'm hopeful that you will find
this segment in each newsletter and email to be helpful in some way. A little over twenty years ago, I met Donna one day while working out at the YMCA in Plano, TX. I had just completed my first marathon to raise funds for a memorial scholarship in Christy's memory and honor at the University of North Texas. The local YMCA supported my efforts and in the process, posted my picture. Donna recognized me and we began to talk about her experience. Donna shared the following: "You know, Mark, I just celebrated my fortieth birthday yesterday. As exciting as that should have been, I was sad deep down inside." I asked her why and she continued, "Well, I was reminded that twenty-two years ago when I was eighteen, my mother died from breast cancer. I will never forget how empty and lost I felt, but that was not the worst of it all. I was the eldest of six children, the youngest being six. I will never forget the afternoon after my mother's funeral when my dad came into the room and addressed all of us kids. He said 'Your mother is dead. We will grieve for the next two weeks and then we have to get on with life. There is just too much to do to grieve any longer.'" She shared further. "Being the eldest and a female, I took on many responsibilities for raising my younger siblings. I graduated from high school but delayed going to college because there was just too much to do . . . and it was my job to see that all was done the way it needed to be done." I remember her eyes trailing off to some place in her distant past as tears formed in her eyes. She said, "Mark, I have been two weeks into my grief for twenty-two years now. What do I do to start healing?" Donna's courageous sharing of her story that day started her down her own personal path to healing and grief reconciliation. Sharing one's story ~ as often as needed ~ is just one way to begin the process of healing. |
Speaking of Speaking . . . |
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![]() I have been privileged to speak to many
groups recently. In March, I traveled to Las Vegas to present a session
on the "Compassionate Delivery of Death
Benefits" to a group of life insurance professionals at the
annual Life Agency Management Program.
In May, I conducted a workshop with the Collin College Counseling Department addressing the "Integration Model of the Grief Process and a
New Approach to Grief Counseling." Early July found me in Denton
at the UNT Center for Counseling and
Human Development spending time with some graduate counseling
students and supervising professors talking about the "Integration Model of the Grief Process."
The coming months will find me in the following places:
I would love to
speak in your community. In conjunction with the "Every Step Has a Story" event, I will
speak to groups about the principles that drive such an effort and how
those principles can infuse any business, educational institution,
church or civic organization with renewed determination to move forward
in tough times. |
Awaken to Good Mourning ~ Bulk Purchase Discounts |
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![]() Awaken Associates will offer the deepest bulk purchase discount on Awaken to Good Mourning to any individual or group through August 2010. Whether you purchase two or two hundred copies, the per copy prices will be $8. Contact us today for details. Our Price: $8.00 List Price: $15.95 S & H: Included |
A few years back, my wife Vanessa and I were called upon to present a session related to Holiday challenges faced by individuals and families. As we did a little brainstorming about how to address some of the more common Holiday challenges, we decided to create a few "Common Holiday Characters" with which most of us are familiar. These characters resonated so well with those who attended the session, that we routinely dust them off each Holiday Season as a way to stay in touch with the experiences of our clients throughout the Holidays.
I invite you to read the following cast of characters and see if you can identify with any of the descriptions. Perhaps, we have nailed the description of some of your family members. Perhaps even you identify with one of the characters in a personal way.
Ultimately, our purpose in creating these characters is to encourage all of us to examine our expectations and actions related to the Holidays and where/when necessary, make appropriate changes or adjustments.
I hope you enjoy reading and invite your comments or even suggestions for other characters to add to the mix! Happy Holidays!
HOLIDAYS “R” US!
A Cast of Characters
Last Minute Louie – This guy believes in delaying everything to the absolute last minute! Shopping, sending greeting cards, making travel plans, responding to invitations, opening mail with important information or directions, arriving at family gatherings, etc. are all relegated to the back burner! He does this, at least in part, to avoid various realities that might impact the Holidays – i.e., financial deficits, not enough time, embarrassing changes in his lifestyle or direction, to give himself the appearance of pseudo importance to cover a sense of inadequacy and security and the like. This approach provides him with a plethora of excuses for not attending certain functions, seeing or not seeing certain individuals, committing to too many events, and the like. You just never know when/if/where/how Louie might respond or show up!
Uncle Ebeneezer – This character takes his expression of displeasure with various aspects of his life away from their true source and displaces those feelings on other, usually unrelated events or people. These expressions most often appear as anger toward people, activities and events that are safer and less threatening than the real issues with which he struggles. He becomes the “bah, humbug” of the Holidays. Often, personal relationships become distressed and strained. Additionally, work difficulties, chronic agitation, a bitter orientation toward life in general, self-hatred and debilitating depression may result.
Charlie Changer – Change for the sake of change is the calling card for old Charlie! He has a difficult time accepting that parts of people, situations and Holidays change a little each day or each observance. In order to combat this discomfort with the natural cycle of change, his mission becomes changing everything he can with little or no care for the feelings of others. He is an all-or-nothing, black-or-white kind of guy. A new car, a new relationship/girlfriend/spouse, a new job (the best one ever, by the way), a new way of celebrating the Holidays are routine for him. Things rarely have time to become meaningful – they MUST be changed!
Aunt Mini Mizer – This person tends to laugh off past
Hilda Hypochondriac – Keep the smelling salts handy, the
Ben-gay in stock and the medical dictionary opened! Hilda is coming with the latest disease,
ache, pain or malady! She is the one who
conveniently passes out almost every
Busy Aunt Bea – This delightful person is the one who is constantly scurrying around cleaning, filling empty glasses or bowls, dusting, cooking, slicing and dicing everything in sight! Don’t set your plate or cup down for even a second or she will whisk it away before you can whistle! Staying busy for busyness sake is the name of her game. She obtains a certain sense of purpose and identity in what she does. No one is ever sure whether Aunt Bea ever eats anything because on one ever sees her sit down. She often arrives four hours early “just to help out a bit” after staying up all night the night before doing last minute baking and cooking. She is secretly afraid of what might happen to her if she ever slows down to take care of herself.
Paula Plastic – Paula is the shopping addict of the bunch! The more credit cards the merrier! Why buy just one gift per person when three will do? Worry about the bills at the end of the month? Not her! She is a sucker for the “No payments until June” kind of advertisements that litter the media! Rampant, unchecked spending is just a way to medicate her feelings of loneliness, loss or insignificance. Each shopping binge is the next “fix” in this debilitating addiction. No matter how much she spends or buys, it is never enough!
Betty Buffet – This person is the one who just loves the Holidays because of all the wonderful food of the Season! She is the one who has continual cravings for food. The cravings are often experienced as a compulsion and she feels no personal power to moderate her eating. This may be an unconscious attempt to fill an emotional void with food. Many families have at least one person who fits this description and sometimes, entire families are afflicted by this malady. Betty can easily become the butt of many cruel jokes and remarks. She might even laugh with those who deride her all the while shriveling on the inside.
Uncle Bud Wiser – The funny walk, the lampshade on the head, the clown of the party – the holes in the wall, the angry words, damaged relationships, lost jobs. Everyone knows that he has a problem with alcohol but no one is willing to approach him about his problem. Drinking in moderation has no meaning for him. He is like the proverbial elephant in the living room that no one wishes to acknowledge. When he passes out on the floor, his family either steps over him and allows him to “rest,” or they put him to bed to let him sleep it off. Where his usual three cans of beer a day is sufficient during the rest of the year, three six packs a day for the long weekend during the Holidays might be his reward for working so hard the rest of the year. He deserves to “tie one on and on and on!” He may be funny – but for how long?
Flighty Freida – The person stays on the move constantly! She seemingly travels anywhere her heart desires! Don’t count on her to attend your family gatherings because she might not arrive. Even if she does come home for the Holidays, she is like a humming bird flitting from one conversation to another never lighting long enough to establish any meaningful connections with anyone. Although she appears to be care free and well adjusted, she may be seeking to avoid some unpleasant feelings or memories connected with family and family gatherings. If she can just keep moving, she will be ok – it is difficult to hit a moving target!
Damper Dave – This character is the family’s altruistic do-gooder and he carries it to a fault. Reaching out to your brother in need is very healthy and helpful but Dave will seek to make you feel guilty for simply breathing! Dave’s over dedication to causes may be efforts to assuage his guilt for some real or imagined part he has played in another’s misfortune. A type of Messiah Complex can develop out of which he may gain a sense of individual worth and meaning. In the process, he can make life around the family gathering rather uncomfortable.
Perfect Pete – Perfection is the name of his game. He is looking for the perfect meal, the
perfect gift, the perfect song, the perfect outfit, the perfect setting, the
perfect weather, the PERFECT
In Charge Marge – This is the person who is the controller – the one who calls all the shots! Marge will determine where each person will be seated, who will take pictures, what jobs each will have, etc. If she is not in charge, she has no meaning or worth. Challenges to her authority threaten not just the day but her entire existence. Everyone must play his or her assigned role. This can be a particularly harrowing experience when one of the family members brings in a new friend or spouse. The new addition is expected to “know” the rules and is often made to feel inferior or inadequate because they do not. It then becomes Marge’s job to take the new one aside and school him or her in the intricacies of family ways. As long as Marge is in control, she doesn’t have to think about the daily struggles and losses she faces.
The Next Installment
I will post another essay next week related to the Holidays that outlines Five Steps to a Meaningful Holiday Season. In the Meantime, Peace!
Mark
Copyright 1994 By Mark E. Hundley, M.ED., LPC & Vanessa Moore-Hundley, M.ED, LPC
I have been home a week now and the trip to England seems almost a blur in my life experience. So much took place in such a short time -- emotionally, mentally, spiritually, relationally -- some experiences bold and "in my face" while others carried more subtle impact. Regardless of the nature of each experience, I am convinced that I will work to synthesize and integrate each one into the fabric of who I am and who I will become. Needless to say, the trip will stay with me a lifetime.
As I close this formal discussion of my experiences in London, Stonehenge and Bath, I want to focus more on the people than the places.
Following are a few observations I made about the people with whom I interacted there:
I could go on listing observations, but I think the ones outlined above are fairly representative of the bigger picture. Overall, I was comfortable there! Apart from the fact that they drive on the "wrong" side of the road, everything else seemed familiar!
Since this blog is about living in the meantimes, I feel duty bound to discuss that a bit.
The meantimes -- whether they come in the form of skyrocketing fuel prices; steadily climbing food costs; high taxes; uncertainty about the health of our planet; the tenuous stability of international relations; terrorism; education; the strength of marriage and family relationships; etc., etc., etc. -- serve as common denominators of the human experience!
We are more alike than we are different!
One of our bus drivers shared that he works two jobs -- a total of 75 - 80 hours per week -- and has had only one week vacation in four years! He was astute; articulate; opinionated; informed; interesting; a great conversationalist; and upbeat! He loves life!
One young lady who escorted our group back to the airport prior to our departure home has two jobs as well -- her work with the tour company is only part-time and on the weekends. She is twenty-five years old, a native of Slovakia, speaks five languages, has a masters degree in business, and lives in London alone in order to perfect her English. She said that if she had moved there with her parents, she would have spoken only her native language and therefore not worked on English. She was engaging; optimistic; vibrant; intelligent; observant; and delightful! She wants to make a difference in the world!
Another young lady who works as a server at a restaurant hails from the Czech Republic and has been in London only two years. She is a hard worker; outgoing; interested in other people; eager to learn; articulate; goal-oriented; and determined! She is on an adventure!
I could go on, but won't for now. Do you see the similarities? How many Americans do you know who could be described in similar ways as those above?
We are all travelers on the same planet seeking essentially the same things out of life. We all face challenges and difficulties -- "mean times" -- in life that demand action on our parts as we pursue our dreams. We all seek strategies to live in the "meantimes" -- the times between times; the interim periods -- and can learn from one another.
As I reflect on what I learned from my fellow travelers in life while in England, the following are strategies I believe many of them use in order to face their individual "mean times" when they come and live within the "meantimes" while they prepare for the next steps.
Do you see the potential for positive impact that I see in the lessons above? My! I wonder what might happen if you and I were to begin putting into practice the eight lessons listed above? How might our perspective change? What new ideas might come to the surface? What innovations might dawn on us? What kinds of connections might we make? What kind of character might we build?
I may never get a chance to travel abroad again, but I will always treasure the lessons learned and the experiences shared. I am hopeful that you will seek to put into practice at least one of the lessons shared from my trip! I truly believe that a positive change is yours for the effort!
Peace!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
Imagine watching water bubble to the surface of a pool from the depths of a source that guarantees a constant 120 degree temperature. Now, imagine further that the droplets of water that just burst into the open air began their journey some ten thousand years ago as rain drops -- rain drops that soaked into the soil and progressively filtered through multiple layers of limestone only to find new life at the heat source and become a part of the complex of hot springs offering healing to those fortunate enough to find them. In a nutshell, that is the story of the springs at Bath in England.
Archaeologists have uncovered evidence that neolithic hunter-gatherer tribes began accessing the restorative properties of the springs in the Bath region some ten thousand years ago. History reveals how the mystical waters then captivated the Celts, Romans and Christians causing them to establish elaborate structures, rituals and beliefs associated with these hot mineral springs. The attraction remains today as well!
I have to say that next to our stroll around Stonehenge, visiting Bath was my favorite excursion during our trip to England! While Stonehenge remains enigmatic and unfathomable, Bath displays its colorful history through a vast array of structures, carvings, engravings and pictures that reveal its importance to the livelihood of human beings.
As I walked through the ruins of the Roman temple erected there, I was intrigued by the stories related to the healing nature of the hot mineral baths. With my broken shoulder, I have to say that I was tempted to engage in a little experiment to see if the myths held any truth! Nah! I didn't dive in -- but I was tempted! Seriously, the beauty and mystery of Ancient Bath drew me in -- caused me to want to linger longer and absorb the power of the place. As with any tour, time is a commodity that is parceled out and we had only so long to explore.
After walking through the Temple Museum and excavation site, I sauntered through some of the streets of modern-day Bath and fell in love with the city. I discovered that the healing and restorative powers of the mineral waters have indeed filtered into and throughout the city itself. With the exception of Taos and Santa Fe, NM, I don't believe I have ever been in a city that felt as healing or spiritual as Bath!
The pace was slower -- the people friendlier -- the streets cleaner -- the air more pure -- the atmosphere more inviting than London. Sitting in one of the open squares near the entrance to the Roman Baths and in the shadow of the truly magnificent Bath Abbey, I observed people leisurely enjoying lunch and engaging in relaxed conversation. Scattered throughout the city center were groups of entertainers -- magicians; violinists; artists -- all working together to weave a loose-knit harmony that connected the tourists and locals in a common purpose. That purpose being a colorful human tapestry of community. People from all walks of life; from all parts of the world shared the healing atmosphere of Bath. Differences of race, nationality, religion, ideology and philosophy all disappeared. I felt energized by the experience -- and hopeful! Hopeful that one day our human commonalities will overwhelm our differences so that our world might enjoy the healing that is so needed and necessary.
As we departed Bath and headed back to London, I took some time to reflect on what the "Bath Experience" had stirred in me. I took some time to listen to our bus driver and tour guide as they shared honestly about their individual struggles living in a world not unlike the one in which I find myself living here in the States. I asked questions and learned from them. I shared my perspective on issues we have in common. I was reminded that all people everywhere on this planet seek meaning, connection, understanding, purpose and healing.
The final hour of the trip back to London was spent in silence -- the kids were sleeping and our bus driver and tour guide had settled into a quiet, contemplative state.
As I sat there, I had a wild thought! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the healing and restorative powers of the waters of Bath could somehow be spread throughout the water sources of the world? Can you imagine what might happen if the commonalities of the human experience began to overshadow our differences as a result of the invisible, mystical powers of the water of Bath? I know that is a crazy thought -- impossible! But it sure was a fun fantasy ride for a few minutes!
As we all work to make sense of our lives -- to deal as constructively as we can with the mean times we face -- I am convinced that a little dose of healing and restoration each day can do wonders for us and those with whom we interact! There is likely no magical elixir or mystical spring that holds the key to such healing and restoration of the soul and spirit; however, there is a thread of choice, that if worked, can be used to connect us with others in healing and restorative ways.
One choice we can make each day is the choice to engage in some activity that is both healing and restorative to our own individual soul and spirit. Listening to music that soothes; reading a favorite poem; meditating on a passage from the wisdom literature associated with our personal belief system; receiving a therapeutic massage; getting a pedicure; reading a good book; taking a stroll in a park; holding hands with a loved one; hugging our children or grandchildren -- and the list could go on.
I often encourage clients to take a "Sixty-Second Vacation" once every hour they work. It is very simple. All you have to do is close the door, put your phone on silent mode, alert your assistant (if you have one) that you are not to be disturbed for sixty seconds and close your eyes. During this sixty-second vacation focus on breathing deeply from your diaphragm; clearing your mind of all distractions; visualizing yourself in a favorite location that is calming, relaxing and healing; and allowing the healing and restorative powers locked deep inside your spirit to bubble to the surface of your consciousness. It is amazing how powerful these sixty-second respites can be!
Now it is very unlikely that this practice will solve the world's problems overnight; however, can you imagine the subtle changes that could take place in all of our relationships the more we tap into the inner healing and restorative powers of our spirits? Can you envision the possibilities of "infecting" those around us with the healing we experience through this practice rather than the tensions we often hand out without meaning to?
I encourage you to begin taking a few "Sixty-Second Vacations" today and try them for one week. See how things have changed for you seven days from now! Who knows? Maybe healing and restoration will begin to dominate your life and make facing the "mean times" a little easier.
Peace!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
Rolling over the undulating, windswept Salisbury Plain in our tour bus taking in the beauty of the English countryside, anticipation quickened the pace of my heart as we approached one of the world's greatest wonders. I was about to view one of the most fascinating sites on this planet! Stonehenge! From the first moment I saw a picture of this marvelous monument as a child, I have been fascinated by its inherent power to confound.
At last, as our bus topped the hill announcing our final approach to Stonehenge, the monument came into view and my breath was momentarily taken away! I could hardly wait to disembark from the bus and make my way to this near ageless mystery. The weather was bleak on that morning -- cold, windy and punctuated by fits of rain. Still, the grandeur and glory of this site was not diminished one bit!
I made my way to the point where our group was allowed to enter and took my "audio tour guide" device that would provide details as I walked around. We had only about 45 minutes to absorb the enormity of that place.
I walked; listened; viewed; took pictures . . . and . . . waited! Waited for some ancient message to come through to me! Waited for a clue from antiquity to filter through my brain to my heart and spirit! I waited for almost timeless voices to whisper words of wisdom and insight about that enigmatic place! Did I hear voices? Receive revelations? Experience an unanticipated "Ah-Ha" moment? No! I can't say that I did! Perhaps the gusty wind prohibited reception of such communication. Or the numerous tourists clamoring for the "perfect picture" interfered with the wave-lengths necessary for those messages to come through. Perhaps another time in the future will offer that kind of communication.
As I walked around the perimeter of this marvelous megalithic monument, I was aware that there were others like me there that morning -- people who sought to linger long enough to hear messages from the mysterious.
Strolling the pavement around that place, I recalled reading an historical novel back in the '80's about a group of people who had a hand in the creation of Stonehenge and was taken back to the speculation of what purposes they may have had in living and working there. I recalled the author making a compelling case for the people using the site for multiple purposes -- both religious and practical; however, the primary voice that came from that novel was the need to create something strong enough to endure time -- a monument that defied destruction! What a thought! People creating something that might ultimately be timeless -- standing in the open for all to see and speculate about -- a legacy of existence!
As I prepared to leave that sacred site, I was struck by the realization that we today have a similar need to create a legacy of existence! To leave something behind that can withstand time. Now, most of us will never be a part of the creation of a physical monument like Stonehenge -- those opportunities may have been lost forever. We can, however, be a part of legacy building in other ways -- ways that will positively impact the world for future generations to come!
Living in the Meantimes requires that we create legacies of love, wisdom and character! So often when mean times come, we are tempted to draw into ourselves -- to shut out people around us -- to close off communication. Or, we can hold on to a way of thinking, believing and acting that leads to the destruction of all we hold dear because we are too greedy or fearful or shortsighted to do anything differently. We can become cynical, fearful, mistrusting -- even hostile! Those types of actions will ultimately create monuments that time will reveal as gaps in action. Times where darkness and uncertainty ruled. Times where disconnectedness dominated. Times when humanity languished in futility. There are periods of human history from which we can and must learn lest we repeat the same mistakes.
I often wonder if we are not in the throes of such a period now -- holding on so desperately to a way of life that is slowly slipping away and either unable or unwilling to take the necessary steps to alter the path on which we find ourselves as a human race.
What does this have to do with Stonehenge? Well, as I stood there taking it all in, I was struck with one solid truth! Regardless of the original intent of the builders or the ways in which the use and meaning of the monument have evolved over time, it stands as a reminder that through definitive action, a legacy of accomplishment can be created!
That is what I would like to encourage on this day! I believe that each one of us has the power and ability to create a legacy of accomplishment regardless of the difficulties we face. We can do so by looking our mean times squarely in the eyes and determining to not be dominated by them. We can determine to build a life that positively influences all around us to do the right thing -- to act in accordance with the preservation of our humanity and physical resources. We can instill character and confidence in our children. We can stand for beliefs and values that are inclusive of all people in all walks of life. We can be difference makers!
What do you want your legacy of accomplishment to look like? What would you like the people of the future to learn from your actions today? What messages would you like to follow you through history yet to be made?
Let's be about the business of creating positive personal legacies that will endure time and engender hope! Stonehenge did that for me, perhaps it can do that for you as well!
Peace!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
Following are pictures from my walk through Stonehenge! Can you feel the power and mystery?
Three parts of me sit at the keyboard this morning -- and all three battle for dominance! One part is glad to be back home pursuing a routine that fosters normalcy. A second part misses the cool (at times, cold) weather of London and the surrounding countryside -- not to mention the almost indescribable sights and sounds. The third part is already planning a return trip making note of the places to which I will return as well as the places I will add to my future itinerary. In order to provide center stage time for all three parts (which is only fair, don't you think?), I will post three (maybe more) essays this week from each of the varying perspectives!
Traveling outside the confines of our own country often does a soul well! My soul needed refreshing so the trip came at a perfect time! Right off the bat, the timing was on the money!
Now, when I told some that I was going to accompany my daughter (a humanities teacher) to assist as a chaperon for a group of 14 high school humanities students (from McKinney High School), the reaction I received ranged from a grimace to a deep sigh (both intended to communicate that I was one daft bald headed man). There were a few who understood the nature of such trips and nodded in understanding -- "You will have a great time!" "INDEED!" I would reply. "INDEED!" You see, those people "get it" when it comes to traveling with young people.
In all the years I have been traveling with groups of students, I can honestly say that this group was by far the best group bar none! I often had to remind myself that I was traveling with sophomores, juniors and seniors in high school and not fourth year college or graduate students! As a group, they were outstanding! As individuals -- as varied and rich in personality, perspective and potential as any educator could ask for!
I miss them! They made me smile; laugh; pause; think; reflect; re-evaluate; ponder. They were simply wonderful! And I might add -- "They could make a really good cup of tea!" (Obviously an inside joke!)
Every time I feel the weight of the world pressing on my psyche, I seek a good dose of "the future is in good hands" tonic! That tonic comes in the packaging of youth! So many want to focus on all that is "wrong" with today's youth and paint pictures of gloom and doom for our future! I, on the other hand, love to spend time around youth -- especially of the caliber of the humanities students from McKinney High School -- I come away with a profound sense of optimism about our future as a country; a race; a world! These young men and women with whom I was privileged to travel will take their places in positions of leadership in the future and accomplish astoundingly wonderful things! I have no doubt!
Often on trips like this, one only gets to see the fun and philosophical sides of students. That being the case, one must wonder and speculate about how students might handle themselves under the pressure of crisis. Although I would have preferred to witness the strength of their mettle in another way, fate would determine that I observed it on this trip.
The night before we were to come home, four of our young men were confronted by youthful robbers on the street less than a half mile from our hotel. First of all, the four young men were unhurt physically thankfully -- no attack of any kind! They displayed a presence of mind well beyond their chronological age.
After the hooligans departed, one or our young men ran into a store to call the police while another flagged down a police car on the street. Now, I am positive that the calm demeanor of our young men in the face of bullying threats confounded their assailants because all that was taken was 5 pounds in coins (roughly 10 dollars), a cell phone and a souvenir t-shirt. Obviously, their sense of innocence took a hit as well -- that is typically the case when witless bullies behave in ways meant to intimidate.
Back to the "strength of mettle" thing I mentioned earlier. During the process of debriefing, the police asked what the worst part had been for the young men. Remember I said that one went inside a store to call the police? Well, I can only assume that the other three did not see him run inside and were briefly unaware of his whereabouts. One of the young men responded with, "The worst part for me was the couple of minutes that I did not know where you were!" WOW! There is no better proof of maturity than when the strength and power of relationships is elevated to the top of the priority heap! Amazing!
Relationships are everything! Money, t-shirts and phones can be replaced! Relationships Rule! These young men and women demonstrated day-after-day their firm understanding of the value of relationships and I reveled in the youthful lesson! Yes, our world will be in great hands!
Before I bring this essay to a close, I have to give a "Shout Out" to an establishment near our hotel in the Bayswater area of London located at 55-57 Queensway. This restaurant serves some of the best Italian food I have ever eaten -- at reasonable prices, mind you -- in an atmosphere that is warm, friendly and welcoming -- by people who love people, no less! We dined there three times during our brief stay -- most often as a "later in the evening" post dinner, dinner! The name of the place is Bella Italia and they are simply amazing! If you ever have a chance to visit London -- please visit Bella Italia! You will certainly be glad you did!
One major life lesson was reinforced for me on this trip and that is the need to expand personal perspective. I will write more on this later; however, for now let me say that I saw many whose backyard is the world! Young adults from all over the world living, working or traveling in London whose world views expand far beyond their own country. Our students demonstrated that same desire for expansion -- for awareness building! It is that kind of perspective that engenders hope in my heart. For so many of us, our world is our backyard -- limited, familiar and safe to our detriment. During the shared difficulties we face as a world, I believe that we can all learn something from our youthful friends -- strive to make our backyards the world!
Peace!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
Description of images below: (1) Kacie and Mark prior to departure; (2) A close up of Stonehenge; (3) Mark in front of Stonehenge; (4) In front of Buckingham Palace prior to changing of the guard; (5) Big Ben; (6) Inside Windsor Castle. More pictures to come!
I am a life transition specialist, psychotherapist, speaker and author who loves life, loves people and periodically experiences "bald moments;" however all is good!
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